Page 37 of Melt His Heart

Me: No he doesn’t know. Its just he’s so sweet and caring and I’m soo….

Liam: wait why do you think he’s straight?

Me: He posts with girls all the time.

Liam: LOL I don’t think that means that

Me: I mean, I told him I was gay, he never said he was…

Liam: He also never said he wasn’t?

Me: Ok but that’s not the point here. ITS ME, I think I’m the problem is the bigger problem. I wanted to kiss him and ran off and we haven’t spoken since. Then my dad…

Liam: wow Julian. I think you need to talk to your friend.

Me: My friend…Right.

Liam: Yeah communicating with him…a good friend deserves that.

Me: You’re right…

Me: Thanks Liam.

Liam: Don’t sweat it and Julian..It’s ok. Life isn’t linear.

Of course, Liam is right. I’ve been feeling like shit because I know I’m being a bad friend to Carson by avoiding him just because I’m afraid. Even with the way I’ve basically ghosted him, he’s still treating me so well and always thinking of me. I feel tears stinging at the corner of my eyes just thinking about how horrible I’ve been.

I wipe my tears with my sleeve and head into the dining area. The smell of the breakfast my mom is working on hangs in the air, reminding me of summer days when I was little. She’s just finishing plating everything for us as I’m sitting down.

“Morning, Mom. Do you need any help?” I ask.

“Morning, no no, you can eat, your dad is going to rest a bit more.” I nod, grab my chopsticks, and start eating.

“Juyeon-ah?” My mom sits down across from me.

“Hm?” I hum.

“I..” I look up at her from my food, and I suddenly know where this is going. She looks cautious.

“You’re getting a bit older and…you’ve never introduced us to anyone…”

“Mom…Please.” I plead, not knowing if I even want to have this conversation right now, a conversation I knew was coming anyway. But there’s way too much going on all at once. I’ve barely admitted to liking someone, now I have to tell my mom, too?

“I’m just saying if there is someone…It’s ok.” She says softly. I know she’s referring to the flowers filling my room.

“There’s no one,” I say, looking away, my jaw clenching.

“Juyeon-ah…I know work is important to you, but it’s not the only thing that matters.” She says, and I put my chopsticks down.

“And…Having you here is just as good.” She says, her brows furrowing.

“Thanks, mom.” I sigh.

Because I don’t know what else to say. She’s never said these things to me, and maybe it is because I’m getting older, I don’t know. I’m only turning twenty-four, but yes, it’s obviously true I’ve never brought anyone home, let alone even mentioned being interested. And though it’s been unspoken, I think my mom has long since deduced I like men.

Mothers usually just know.

Chapter 12