Page 97 of These Secret Years

“No.”

“Can I try to get you hard again, then?”

“It won’t be difficult.” I felt my dick stir the second my hand touched his erection.

His smile grows. “I like that.”

With me on my back, Knight goes down on me again, this time feeding my half-limp cock into his mouth. I watch every second of it, and he holds my gaze, too. I’m so lucky his first time doing this was with me. I was almost too damaged to take all his firsts last summer. Now I’m too damaged to refuse him a single thing.

I don’t know if he would look at me differently if he knew. Would he pity me? Would he be disgusted? Angry? Hurt?

I run my fingers through his hair as he licks and sucks at me. Bolts of sensation from his eager mouth on my cock have me moving with him, half thrusting, half grinding into him. He works me over, deeper and deeper until I’m groaning helplessly and can’t hold my head up anymore. “Fuck me,” I tell him. “I want you to fuck me.”

“Like this?” he asks. And I think he means facing me.

“However you want to.”

“I want to see you.”

“Okay.”

“I won’t hurt you?”

“No.” Because he could never.

The pop of the lube cap is followed almost immediately by cool fingers against my hole. Two fingers gently coat my sensitive rim with the occasional firmer pressure for me to let him in.

It’s easier to relax this time, as turned on as I am again, and because he’s doing exactly what I asked him to do from the beginning. Go slow and not stop. Like he loves me.

One finger slides inside, and his lips part on a gasp. “Fuck,” he whispers.

I clench around him and immediately ask for another. “More.”

His second finger slides in without issue, and he pumps them both gently back and forth. My hips come off the blanket as I try to meet him thrust for thrust. I’m ready. I am so fucking ready. “More,” I say again, but then feel the need to clarify. “You. I want you. Do you have a condom?”

He hesitates. “Yeah.”

The pause is a reminder that both of us have lived lives since the last time we were together like this. We’ve let other people touch us, love us, hurt us. But, still, we did find our way back, and I hope that counts for something in the end.

Where the condom comes from, I don’t pay attention, but I watch as he rolls it onto his long, hard cock and gives himself a ridiculous amount of lube to slick himself up. I would laugh, but I want him inside me too much to slow this down any more than it’s already lasting forever.

I start to lift my legs, but he grabs both my calves and holds them up, revealing my hole. The lube from his fingers makes it wet and cold, but that sensation passes quickly when I feel his blunt cockhead rest against it. Fuck, I hope I don’t cry again, but I seriously might. I’ve never ever wanted someone like this, and it’s shocking how much I want it now. Maybe it’s stupid, but I feel like it might change everything. My whole life.

“I’m good,” I say in case he needs to hear it.

He nods.

“Are you?”

“Yeah.”

“You won’t hurt me.”

“Try not to make me come in two seconds, okay?”

“No promises.”

Slowly his hips ease forward. The stretch as his thick head pops past the first ring of muscle makes me moan and reach for both my own dick and him. I lock a hand on his shoulder as I grip myself tightly, tugging upward. He licks his lips, and his brow furrows in concentration as he continues to advance. I feel myself giving way, my ass relaxing, and my legs going limp.