Page 74 of These Secret Years

I kiss him, hoping that will sway him toward not minding a bit.

“That goes against literally everything I’ve been taught my entire life.”

“Right well…you also know science, don’t you?” I ask. “Like if I don’t have anything and you don’t have anything, neither one of us can give each other anything?”

“And you know you don’t have anything how?”

“I got tested after school let out.”

He frowns. “You afraid Chelsea gave you something?”

No, Knight. Along with full body waxing, monitored daily douching, and being dressed up like a teenage dream, I’m also required to present a clean bill of sexual health before Adrian will put his mouth on me. “Just seemed like a smart thing to do.”

“And I’m the only person you’ve been with this summer?”

It’s my turn to scowl. “Who the fuck else would I have been with?”

“I mean, I don’t see you every day.”

“It’s just you. Jesus. If it’s a no, just say no.”

“It’s not a no. I’m just trying to be thorough.”

“I don’t have any STIs. I don’t even have allergies.”

His face cracks a grin, and it’s fucking gorgeous. “Okay, but listen.”

I sigh. “What?”

“Are you okay?”

“I just said I don’t have⁠—”

“No, I mean…what side of you am I seeing today? Something you’re trying out? Or is this the real you? What’s going on?”

“Um…” I swallow the anxiety, the rising fear in my throat. “I’m trusting you.”

“That’s all this is?”

“No,” I admit. “But you trust me, right?”

He nods.

“This is what I need today.”

“Yeah, I got that. I’m asking if you’re okay.”

“I’m…it’s complicated.”

“Right,” he whispers. “Okay.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“You don’t have to ask.”

Our lips meet softly, and Knight’s hand on my face exerts just enough pressure to keep me from deepening the kiss. He keeps the pace slow and the kiss tender, like a reset. Like he’s not still rock fucking hard from the blow job and nearly coming five minutes ago. He’s kissing me like we’re starting from scratch, and fuck, I wish he wouldn’t because I don’t need all this time to think and remember and notice how perfect he is all over again. How much I like him and wish and wish and wish…

“Is there a way you want to do this?” he asks in that low rumble of a voice.