Page 159 of My Unfinished Heart

“It’s supposed to be. You make it way too complicated. Ask Helen. I bet she’ll tell you the same thing. Anyway, think about it for a while. Try it on for size.”

“I feel like there’s something missing in your theory.”

“What?”

“Well, you talked about how the string stretches, but what happens when you’re with the other person? Does it sag?”

He slaps the back of my head, playfully. “No, you moron. It pulls you together. At the heart.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.”

“It just sounds more like a rubber band to me,” I say.

“Whatever. My point is—that’s Love. Loving someone is different, but you don’t suck at that nearly as bad as I used to think you did. Turns out I was the one doing it wrong. But I’m learning.”

“Let me know what you figure out.”

He plants a hand on my cheek, kisses the other one, and he looks me right in the eyes. “I’m learning from you.”

His words still me. Something deep inside me stops swirling, and the rough waves always tossing me around go calm. If Connor could see inside my body in this moment he’d get to see the ugliest of all the scars on my heart disappear before his beautiful, unblinking eyes.

TWENTY-SIX

Bizarre Love Triangle

Halloween night starts off with a bang as Joey accepts West's proposal on Mountain View, a half a block away from my house. She’s a sexy cop, he’s in prison stripes. He asks her to be his ball and chain. Were it not for the fact that Kate and Eliza are watching, it would be ridiculous. But they are watching, and so—it’s brilliant.

Connor and I spy on them from my front yard as West gets down on one knee and takes Joey’s hand. The girls watch from the neighbor's porch as Joey almost passes out in surprise.

The ring goes on the finger, they have a group hug, and the deed is done.

“I’m really happy for them,” Connor says. “He did great.”

I agree. And not for the first time, I am suffocated by envy. Happy for them, yes. But really bitter about the choices I’ve made that prevent me from having what they found.

I look down at Connor. He and I are wearing jeans and hooded sweatshirts, with nothing better to do tonight than bear witness to the joy of others. He shivers from the chill in the air and asks if I’m ready to go inside. I am.

Trudging up the front steps together, I ask if he wants a drink. He nods, and then we both get pretty quiet. He takes care of trick-or-treaters while I mix up a pitcher of margaritas. I wonder what the hell Tristan is up to since Connor seems determined to spend the evening at my house. He must be on a date, or at a party or something.

But I don’t ask. I don’t actually want to know. The answer—any answer—would keep me up all night. The bottom line is Tristan has a life, and I’m not in it anymore. It was my choice, and these are the consequences.

Action erupts at the front door, and then a rush of feet across the hardwood floors heads my way.

Kate and Eliza surge through the kitchen and proceed to dump all their candy on the glass table, already discussing possible trades. Kate sees me first and does her trademark running jump at me. My job is to catch her. She calls it a jump hug.

She’s dressed as a fairy. Connor did her makeup, and her cheeks are covered in glitter. She rubs her face against mine, her pink lipstick leaving smears. “Momma’s gonna marry West. You’re gonna be my uncle for real,” she says, not loud enough that Eliza will feel compelled to correct her.

“How’d I get so lucky?”

She nuzzles against my neck and sighs, like she’s as exhausted as I am. “When are you and Tristan gonna get married?”

Eliza hears that. “Archer’s not marrying Tristan, Kate. They broke up. Remember?”

The words make my heart sink.

Kate draws her face away and looks into my eyes. Her little forehead forms a frown. “You can still marry him though, can’t you?”