Page 54 of Hot As Ice

I can’t help but laugh. Being an only child, I don’t really understand sibling dynamics. They always seem to be fighting.

“Think of it from Jewel’s perspective, though,” I offer. “You wouldn’t want her dating one of us.”

Ryder looks horrified. “Of course, I fucking wouldn’t.” He sighs, then abruptly gets up. “Need another beer.”

I watch as he walks by Kaia without acknowledging her. At least I’m not the only one ignoring the woman I want tonight.

Close to 1am I’m still sitting in the booth with Martinez and Sean. Ryder left with someone that wasn’t Kaia half an hour ago. I don’t know why I’m even still here. Instead of rewarding myself with a victory fuck, I’m nursing my Coke and brooding like a fucking moron.

From the corner of my eye, I see Stevie and her friend get up and put on their jackets. They’re about to leave. I have one last chance to approach her.

But I don’t take it.

eighteen

stevie

I’M AT A HOCKEY GAME BY MYSELF.

The Ravens are playing Princeton tonight, and there’s a palpable excitement in the air. They’ve been undefeated so far this season, and they’re getting closer and closer to a championship called the Frozen Four.

Becca explained all this to me last night.

She’s not here, though, unfortunately. I asked Melanie to come with me but she had to work, and so I dragged my ass over to the arena all alone. I feel awkward. Hunter hasn’t messaged me in a full week, and it feels like he’s done with me.

I don’t know why that has sent me into a melancholic spiral.

I saw him three nights ago at Finnegan’s, and I foolishly thought he would approach me, maybe ask me to go home with him, but he ignored me. And I ignored him right back. I couldn’t bring myself to wade through all the puck bunnies parked three-deep around his booth to approach him and say…what exactly? That I missed him? That I wanted him to tie me up and have his way with me again? Ugh. There was no way.

And yet I can’t explain why I’m at his game tonight.

I guess I just want to see him. He always looks magnificent when he plays – strong and decisive and in total control. Powerful. If he never talks to me again, I can still catch him on the ice occasionally. At least until he graduates, signs with a team, and moves on to live a glamorous life while I’m stuck here for another two years, chasing marketing internships that I’m starting to think don’t even exist.

I’m sitting high up in the student section. I don’t think Hunter will even see me, but for the next few hours, I’ll get to see him in his element.

I pull my fuzzy jacket tighter around me. I didn’t wear Hunter’s jersey tonight; I didn’t feel like I could. If he’s truly done with me, I’m not about to act all desperate and wear his jersey like he’s mine. Instead, I’m wearing my go-to uniform of jeans and a white tee and trying to look as inconspicuous as possible.

The crowd’s cheer is deafening as the players take the ice.

I almost wish I had earplugs, but the excitement is contagious. I start cheering too. When Hunter glides onto the ice, my heart does a very weird, almost painful thing in my chest, and my stomach is in knots. I hate that he has this effect on me.

My eyes are glued to him as he warms up.

Memories of all the times we’ve kissed and had sex zoom through my mind, and I feel my nipples tightening under my shirt and bra. Jesus. It’s embarrassing to be yet another girl sighing and pining over him. I can practically see heart-eyes in all the women in the arena tonight as they follow Hunter’s every move.

He looks commanding and capable even during warm-ups. I feel like even if you had no idea what position he played, you would know he’s the captain of the team. He has the aura and presence of a leader, and the other players defer to him easily. It’s pretty obvious they’re proud to have him as their captain. It doesn’t surprise me. In the short time I’ve known him, I feel like I would follow Hunter anywhere.

It’s so bittersweet to see him tonight knowing he’ll never truly be mine. I didn’t realize how much the distance between us this week was bothering me until he skated out onto the ice. I’m so gone for him. I feel like an idiot. I consider leaving instead of staring at him and torturing myself all night, but something keeps me rooted to my seat. Call it emotional masochism, I guess.

Warm-ups end and we wait patiently for the puck drop. Well, not so patiently on my end. I didn’t even get a drink or any snacks to keep me occupied. Becca would say I’m “raw-dogging” a hockey game. I so wish she were here with me tonight, cracking jokes and keeping me from crashing out. I chew on my thumbnail, watching the countdown until the puck drop ticking away.

Finally, it’s time. Hunter easily secures the puck after the drop. I’m on the edge of my seat as he skates toward the other team’s net. I try to keep up with what’s happening but it’s so fast, it’s all a blur to me. What’s not a blur is when the lamp by the goalie lights up, indicating a goal has been scored. Everyone around me jumps up, screaming their heads off.

It’s been less than two minutes of game time and Hunter has scored the first goal of the night. I jump up and down along with the other fans, screaming his name, knowing he can’t hear me at all.

It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of it all, even when I don’t really understand what’s happening or can’t see the puck half the time. Hunter and his teammates move in such perfect harmony, passing to each other without a second thought, like they can read each other’s minds.

A lady next to me is decked out in a pom-pom beanie hat in black and purple, Ravens colors, a jersey, and a jacket with the team’s name embroidered on the back, and she’s been screaming since the puck drop and hasn’t stopped.