Page 51 of Hot As Ice

She looks up and makes a face. “Fine. I was dancing with Jamie.”

“Jamie West?”

“Yes. That Jamie.”

I can’t believe what I just heard. “You mean Hunter’s friend Jamie West?”

She nods and I nearly fall out of my chair. “He’s your crush!”

“Keep your voice down.”

“Oh my god, this is huge and you didn’t tell me until now? Were you ever gonna tell me?”

“It was just one dance,” she says, but I have a feeling she’s lying. There’s this weird guilty look on her face, and she’s looking everywhere but into my eyes.

“Just one dance?”

She finally looks at me. “Yes. And he may have bought me a drink.”

“May have?”

She huffs. “I’m done being interrogated. I’m going to get you a coffee since you don’t have one. What do you want?”

“Vanilla latte. Iced.”

She takes off toward the barista, and I decide I’ll just let it go. We’re obviously both keeping some secrets from each other, and that’s fine. I’m not ready to tell her everything that’s going on between me and Hunter, and she has a right to her own privacy.

It’s so strange how things can get so complicated, so fast. About a month ago, I was just a regular college student, working part-time at a diner, eating ramen most nights, and trying to keep up with my studies. Now, I’m unemployed, and getting paid $200 an hour to spend time with the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen. I don’t think my brain has fully caught up with all the changes yet. It might take years to process it all.

Maybe I shouldn’t overthink it though. People love to say, “it’s not that deep.” And maybe this really isn’t that deep. It’s just college shenanigans that most people probably get into. College is supposed to be a wild, fun experience. People go to parties, make questionable decisions, break up, make up, get so drunk they black out, make amazing memories and lifelong friendships, study and learn and get their degrees, and have fond moments to look back on when they’re older.

This whole experience with Hunter could be the crazy, wild thing I look back on when I’m an old lady. When I’m wrinkled and gray and in the winter of my life, this insane journey could be the memory that puts a little smile on my face. And when my grandkids ask me what’s the craziest thing I’ve ever done, I won’t tell them, of course, but I will secretly marvel at my own audacity when I was only 19 years old. Shouldn’t every woman have a passionate love affair she can carry as a precious secret through the rest of her life, to keep her warm on lonely nights? And even if nothing comes from my dalliance with Hunter (and nothing will, I’m sure of it), it will be fun while it lasts. Won’t it?

seventeen

hunter

I TELL JAMIE to put another five pounds on the bar.

“You’re really pushing it today, huh?” he asks.

“Yep.” I grit my teeth, take a deep breath, and lift. I’ve been pushing myself all morning. There’s this anxious energy inside me today and I don’t know how else to get rid of it. I’m hoping working my body to exhaustion in the next hour will do it.

“Alright, but don’t overdo it. You don’t want to get an injury because you’re trying to prove something to yourself.”

“Not trying to prove anything,” I bite out. “Just…need…to…burn…some…energy.”

“You’re definitely doing that,” Jamie says.

I do two more reps and feel my muscles turning to jelly. Jamie helps me put the bar back. I sit up and wipe my face and chest. Fuck, that felt good. The endorphins I get from a satisfying workout are almost as good as scoring a goal or fucking a hot girl. Fucking Stevie to be more accurate. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her since I saw her last, but I’ve resisted texting her to meet up again. Do I want to see her? More than I want my next fucking breath. Is it a good idea? I don’t think so.

I never let myself get too close to women. I don’t like distractions, and women can be very distracting. Things can get complicated fast, especially if you’re not aligned on the nature of the relationship. That’s why paying Stevie to be with me seemed like the perfect solution. When a relationship is undeniably transactional, it’s easier to end it. And I’d wanted Stevie from the moment I’d seen her at the diner. She’s my dream girl. I told her I’d just happened to drive by the diner that night, but that wasn’t true at all – I’d gone back to catch her after her shift and talk to her. It just so happened I’d ended up saving her from that fucking asshole and set this whole thing into motion.

Jamie slaps me on the shoulder. “Get up. It’s my turn.”

I get up to spot him. We have an away game tonight and have to be on the bus in two hours. I already got my morning run in today before the sun rose, and now I’m in the gym with Jamie, Ryder, and my other teammates. I’m grateful it’s been a busy morning. I have to clear my head of thoughts of Stevie. I’m determined to stay undefeated this season and I can’t afford to lose focus. Not even for one second.

And since I never fuck close to game days (superstition and trying to preserve my energy), I shouldn’t care that Stevie hasn’t been texting me. But it’s thrown me for a loop. I’m used to women blowing up my phone, asking to see me all the time, wanting more than I can give. I’m used to it, and, though I hadn’t realized it, I expect it now. It’s always given me an ego boost, so now my ego’s taking a hit the longer Stevie keeps from contacting me.