Page 27 of Under His Control

My choice is predictable at this point. I grit my teeth as I let out a long exhale through my nose.

“I accept.”

“That’s good.” He leans back with a satisfied look on his face. “Now the first thing I’d like from you is an apology.”

I take another long breath to quell my anger. Regardless of how poorly he’s treating me tonight, I can’t forget that what I did to him was much worse. Besides, he deserves an apology he finds acceptable. Maybe he will this time.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I did to you, Jacob. It was wrong. I shouldn’t—”

He raises his hand. “Stop. Vague, empty words aren’t going to work. That’s lazy. The proper way to apologize to someone is to own your wrongdoing with courage. You do that by admitting out loud exactly what you did.”

“I’m sorry for…” My voice is less committed to the task this time, shame stifling it. “I’m sorry for falsely accusing you of—of raping my mother.”

I die on the inside, wishing I could hide from those awful words. The awful truth. The awful thing I did to win my mother’s love… and, in the end, it didn’t work.

“That’s decent, but I prefer something a little more earnest. I want you to say, ‘I’m sorry I was a dirty fucking liar. Please forgive me.’” That unfriendly smile curves his lips again. “And I want you to kneel in front of me while you do. Really convince me that you’re remorseful.”

Fresh anger heats my face.

“I’m not going to do that.”

“Then that’s ten grand deducted from the thirty. Every time you disobey, it’s another ten lost.” He wags a finger. “Three strikes, you’re out.”

My fingers curl into tight fists on the table. If I kneel for him, I might punch whatever part of him that’s closest to me. Amusement fills his eyes as if he can read the violent thoughts floating through my mind and finds them funny.

Of course he does. This is a game and he’s rooting for me to lose. If I win, he has to pay me thirty thousand dollars.

He wins if I play, and there’s no guarantee he’ll give me the money in the end. Maybe his ultimate goal is to use me then screw me over. Tit for tat.

Don’t play.

I have to.

Run away.

I won’t. I can’t.

With wooden movements, I stand and step free from the table. Jacob watches me as I approach him, turning in his seat to face me when I’m beside him. He glances at my hands still clenched at my sides.

“Do you want to hit me?”

“Yes.”

“Hm. An honest answer from a dirty fucking liar.” He indicates the space on the floor at his feet. “Go ahead.”

Humiliation weighs on my shoulders, growing heavier as I reluctantly sink to my knees.

I thought I had principles, strong opinions on things I would never do as a woman. Kneeling for a man would’ve been one of them if it had ever crossed my mind.

But I’m learning tonight that principles and strong opinions are suddenly insignificant when the price is right.

“I’m sorry…” I swallow, clasp my hands in front of me, and fix my gaze on the spot between his bare feet. “I’m sorry I was a dirty fucking liar. Please forgive me.”

“Say it again.”

I put more strength in the words.

“I’m sorry I was a dirty fucking liar. Please forgive me.”