Page 186 of His Surrender

Stranger still, I don't know when I started loving it.

Liana lets out an excited squeal, pulling my attention toward her.

Lincoln has now joined Liana on the floor with her blocks that are now all over the floor while the other kids are scattered throughout the room playing.

“That's the third time she's done that,” Lincoln says.

“Maybe stop rebuilding it,” Sawyer shouts.

Lincoln looks offended. “She likes it.”

“She likes destroying your work,” Roman adds.

“She's a Ledger,” Sawyer says. “Probably evaluating structural weaknesses.”

I laugh and push away from the island, crossing the room to scoop my daughter off the floor.

She immediately grabs my face with both hands. “Hello to you too.”

I kiss her cheek, earning another squeal as she twists in my arms to look toward the hallway.

I know what she's looking for before she finds her.

Aubrey.

She comes around the corner with all the women behind her, laughing at something one of them said, and my attention immediately locks onto her.

It still happens every fucking time.

Four months of waking up beside her, of watching her walk through that door after work, and seeing her barefoot in my kitchen, curled against me on the couch, asleep beside me in bed.

And somehow my body still reacts like I haven't seen her in weeks.

Her eyes find mine from across the room. The smile that spreads over her face belongs entirely to me.

There was a time when that would have terrified me. Sometimes, if I'm being truthful, it still does.

Therapy hasn't magically erased almost twenty years of fear. There are still moments when Aubrey is late and I feel that familiar pressure building beneath my ribs. There are still unanswered calls that make my mind want to go places it has no business going.

The difference is that now I know what it is.

I know how to stop and breathe before the fifteen-year-old boy inside me takes over.

I know that fear is not intuition. An unanswered phone isn't a death sentence. And loving someone doesn't mean I have to spend every second preparing to lose them.

Aubrey walks toward me, and Liana practically launches herself from my arms.

Aubrey laughs as I transfer Liana to her even though one arm has paper bags balancing on it. “Someone missed me.”

I narrow my eyes. “You were gone for ten minutes.”

She grins and shakes her head.

The women had gone downstairs to pick up the desserts that arrived while we were hanging out after dinner.

Aubrey walks to the island where she begins to put out more dessert than any of us can eat while simultaneously holding Liana on her hip.

Pride spreads through me as I watch her. She’s been doing great at work and I love seeing how happy it makes her.