Page 127 of His Surrender

I let out a dry laugh. “I spent the entire day panicking.”

“You spent the entire day loving your daughter.”

I move my shoulders around, trying to relieve some of the tension. “Those felt like the same thing.”

“They usually are.”

The bedroom feels strangely unfamiliar tonight. I’ve slept here thousands of nights. Yet, somehow, after a day like today, everything feels different.

The lamp casts a warm glow across the room while the city lights flicker beyond the windows.

Normally I’d appreciate the view. Tonight, I don’t even glance at it.

I sit on the edge of the bed, elbows resting on my knees, staring absently at the hardwood floor.

For the first time in years … I feel completely helpless.

Fatherhood doesn’t care how successful I am. It simply asks me to love someone enough that watching them hurt feels unbearable.

The mattress dips beside me. I don’t have to look up to know Aubrey has joined me.

She sits quietly for a moment, close enough that our shoulders brush.

She doesn’t rush to fill the silence. “She’s going to be okay.” Her voice is barely above a whisper.

I nod. “I know.” The words come out automatically.

She studies me for a second. “You don’t sound convinced.”

I rub both hands over my face before letting them fall into my lap.

“I keep thinking …” I shake my head. “What if I miss something? What if I don’t notice she isn’t breathing right? What if …” My voice catches. “What if I fail her?”

The room grows impossibly still.

Aubrey turns toward me, one leg folding beneath her as she reaches for my hand. Her fingers weave between mine without hesitation. “You know what I saw today?”

I look at her.

“I saw a dad who left work in the middle of the afternoon because his daughter had a fever.”

A faint smile tugs at one corner of her mouth.

“I saw a dad who checked her temperature every twenty minutes because he wanted so badly for her to feel better.”

She gives my hand a gentle squeeze.

“I saw a dad who kissed her forehead every single time he thought no one was looking.”

My eyes close. “I wasn’t exactly subtle.”

“No.” She smiles. “You really weren’t.”

Despite everything, I laugh.

“I also saw a man who kept asking questions.”

I shake my head. “I asked too many questions.”