Page 31 of Infamous Relations

Jane covered her eyes, breathing quickly from her sudden outburst. Elizabeth moved to sit beside her, putting her arm around her shoulders in a gesture of silent comfort.

“I have so many more reasons to be ashamed now, of my own behaviour,” Jane said quietly at last. “For as much as we have both vowed only to marry for the deepest and truest love, I would have said yes to Charles Bingley, if he had asked. And I do not love him, I see that now. I loved the idea of being mistress of Netherfield, first among the neighbourhood, accepted as an equal by such fashionable ladies as Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst. Mr. Bingley was an amiable means to that end.”

“I think perhaps he was a little more than that to you, Jane,” Elizabeth said gently.

“Perhaps he was, once, but he did not return for me, nor send any word. So either he does not love me, or he has placed the desires of others - his sisters, and yes, Mr. Darcy - above his regard for me. If it is the first, then neither of us are truly injured; if the second, he was never the man for me anyway. I could not respect a man who is not strong enough to make such decisions for himself.” Jane lowered her hands. Two spots of colour burned on her cheeks; she held her head high, blue eyes bright. “So do not reproach Mr. Darcy for keeping Mr. Bingley away from me, Lizzy. When all’s said and done, I am grateful for his actions.”

“He still acted out of an abominable sense of pride, and if you could only have heard his opinions of our family, Jane!” Elizabeth shook her head angrily.

“Mr. Darcy was undoubtedly correct, Lizzy.”

“Jane!” Elizabeth gasped, shocked.

“Mr. Darcy knows what true love is, Lizzy. I believe he knew quite well that he did not see it between Mr. Bingley and myself. As for our family,” Jane took a deep breath, looking down at her hands, “let us be honest with each other. Love them all dearly though I do, I do not deny that their faults exist. I might not throw it in their faces as you are sometimes wont to do, because I would not for the world hurt their feelings.”

Elizabeth opened her mouth, and then closed it again without speaking.

“I think it is your pride that was stung, dearest, to have Mr. Darcy look down on us,” Jane said perceptively. “Your feelings that are hurt, far more than mine. Now that you know I am not truly injured, can you not find it in your heart to forgive him? Did not you, after all, warn Charlotte that she would be unhappy in marriage to Mr. Collins, perhaps in very much the same way that Mr. Darcy may have warned Mr. Bingley that he would be unhappy in marriage to me?”

Elizabeth started with shock at Jane’s question, her cheeks suddenly flushing. “I… never considered it so!” she cried. “And Charlotte seems content enough,” she finished weakly.

“As I might have been content enough in marriage to Mr. Bingley,” Jane said remorselessly, “but why is it wrong for Mr. Darcy to want his friend to have love, not just mere contentment, when you only wanted that for Charlotte?”

Elizabeth dropped her face into her hands with a moan of shame. “I did, did I not? I acted just as dreadfully as he did!”

“You acted just as much out of love for your dear friend as he did,” Jane corrected gently. “And knowing that, perhaps you can find it in your heart to forgive him.”

“You are too good, Jane. Too good.” Elizabeth was quiet for a moment, thinking. “Still, there is the matter of Mr. Wickham.”

They looked at each other for a long moment, and then Jane said;

“Lizzy, I’m sorry, but I just don’t believe it.”

“Don’t believe what?”

“I don’t believe that Mr. Darcy treated Mr. Wickham as abominably as he says. I think that Mr. Wickham recognised Mr. Darcy’s regard for you possibly before Mr. Darcy even knew it himself, and that he deliberately poured his poison into your ear to turn you against Mr. Darcy even before he had a chance to court you.”

Elizabeth froze, her eyes wide. “You… know?”

“That Mr. Darcy is quite hopelessly in love with you? Oh, everybody knows that now, Lizzy, though he kept it very secret indeed, I believe,” Jane sipped her tea and arched an eyebrow at Elizabeth. “Even from you, though considering your animosity towards him, that is understandable, I suppose.”

“What do you mean, everybody knows now?” Elizabeth could hardly believe what she was hearing.

“Lizzy, I have never seen a man so distraught, when he thought that you - that you might die,” Jane caught herself at the last moment. “He was near collapse. Colonel Fitzwilliam told me that he thinks Mr. Darcy fell in love with you at the very beginning, when you refused to be in the least impressed by his wealth and consequence.”

Elizabeth pressed her hands to her forehead, barely able to take in what Jane was saying. “If he had begun by saying something like that when he proposed, instead of telling me how much against his inclination it was to like me at all, I might not have been quite so angry with him,” she said quietly.

“When he what?” Jane gaped.

“So you do not know everything, then. Yes, Mr. Darcy proposed to me, Jane, in a proposal which surpassed even Mr. Collins’ for awfulness, and I turned him down flat while throwing every terrible thing I have ever thought of him in his face!”

“So that was why he wrote you the letter,” Jane said, understanding at last. “Colonel Fitzwilliam did not tell me what was in it, but it must have been some vindication of the accusations you made against Mr. Darcy.”

“What letter?” Elizabeth said blankly.

Jane’s eyes widened, and she was about to make a reply, when both girls were startled by a man’s voice shouting from outside. Standing, Jane peered out of the window.

“Why, it is Dr. Trent!” she said. “And… dear God, Lizzy, I think something has happened to Charlotte!”