Page 29 of Infamous Relations

“I cannot say I much appreciated it at the time,” Darcy said dryly, “but yes. Miss Bennet was very impressive. Her affection for her sister is commendable.”

Bingley looked more befuddled by the minute. Trent had folded his arms and was watching the byplay between the three men with some amusement.

“Good morning, Dr. Trent,” Darcy turned to him then. “Pray tell me that Miss Elizabeth fares well today?”

“She did early this morning, yes, according to Mrs. Collins who had just seen her, and indeed was just preparing her some tea, since Miss Elizabeth expressed a desire for some.”

“You cannot know how glad I am to hear that,” Darcy replied with a genuine smile.

“Would someone please tell me what the hell is going on?” Bingley demanded, clutching at his head.

“I believe I should very much like to know that myself,” a new voice declared, and they all turned to see Mr. Gardiner approaching.

“I believe I shall return to Hunsford,” Trent said hurriedly, “you have my news, Colonel, and I am sure that I can be of more use there than here.”

He shared a significant look with Colonel Fitzwilliam, an exchange which did not escape Mr. Gardiner’s notice, though the older man said nothing.

“I am sure that we will be joining you there before long. You’ll remain at the Parsonage until our arrival?” Fitzwilliam asked with a meaningful glance.

“My word on it.” Trent held out his hand to shake before departing swiftly, calling for his horse.

Bingley was still standing, looking utterly befuddled, so Mr. Gardiner took pity on him.

“Mr. Bingley, I collect,” he held out a hand. “I’m Edward Gardiner. I believe you are acquainted with my nieces, the Misses Bennet?”

Bingley went alternately red and then white before politely shaking Mr. Gardiner’s hand. “Yes, sir. Yes, indeed, that’s quite correct. Miss Bennet, and Miss Elizabeth, and Miss Mary and Miss Kitty and Miss Lydia…”

Mr. Gardiner grimaced slightly, and as Bingley moved past him into the private parlour at Darcy’s urging, said in an undertone to Fitzwilliam;

“I suppose I can’t blame the boy for getting cold feet, really. Lydia alone is the kind of relation any man would hesitate to acquire.”

Fitzwilliam gave him an incredulous look. “Bingley is in no position to criticise anybody else’s sisters, sir, believe me. We all have relations for whom we must blush. Darcy and I are saddled with Lady Catherine, after all; the Bennets with Mr. Collins…”

Mr. Gardiner smiled. “I daresay they think the same of us, sir.”

That made Fitzwilliam chuckle, as he stepped forward to take a seat at the table. “Well, I daresay that we may as well order some food to break our fast, what do you say?” he suggested.

“Capital idea, Colonel!” Bingley enthused. “I left London without so much as a bite and I may fade away if I don’t get something to eat soon! Jolly good to see you again, I must say.”

“A shame it isn’t under more convivial circumstances.”

“What? Oh, yes, well, I may be annoyed with Darcy for, ahem,” Bingley glanced at Mr. Gardiner a little warily before shrugging and saying “well, for being impossibly Darcy-ish, but there’s no reason for me to be annoyed with you. Is there? Or were you in on this dastardly plan to keep me from my angel, too?”

“I shall thank you not to refer to my niece as ‘your angel’,” Mr. Gardiner said in markedly cool tones, causing Bingley to flush dark red and stammer apologies and Fitzwilliam to laugh under his breath.

“There was no dastardly plan, Bingley,” Darcy said wearily, “at least not on my part, though I cannot speak for your sisters’ motives. They were aware of Miss Bennet’s presence in London long before I, I assure you.”

Bingley’s flush darkened further. “And I shall be taking that up with them, I assure you, when I see them next!”

“We don’t expect them, then?” Darcy asked hopefully.

“Well, I didn’t tell them where I was going, since I got your letter a little after midnight and left an hour later!” Bingley gave him a glare. “Although,” he looked thoughtful, “I did tell my man to pack my trunks and send the coach on down here, so it’s possible they might find out that way…”

“Oh dear God help us,” Darcy said, not at all under his breath, making Fitzwilliam choke on his laughter and Mr. Gardiner’s eyebrows fly up.

“Is there something of which I should be made aware, Mr. Darcy?” he asked.

It was Bingley who replied when Darcy only sighed. “My sister — my youngest sister, Miss Caroline Bingley — has, um, has rather set her sights on becoming Mrs. Darcy.” He flushed darkly red. “She planned to advance her agenda by making a match between myself and Miss Darcy.”