Page 163 of Trailer Trash

“It wasn’t easy,” he breathes.

“Good, because nothing about loving you is easy.”

“Do you really think I’m a monster?” he whispers into my hair.

“Yes,” I say with resounding confidence, but I follow up more gently. “But I love my monster.”

We lie there for a while before making love once more. Then he carries me to the shower, and as I once wished, we wash each other. Faint soot spirals down the drain.

In the quiet of my mind, my trailer is still burning.

44

Harlow

“Good morning,” Killian says when I wake up beside him — in bed.

“You’re a master manipulator,” I scold. “I don’t know how you do it to me.”

He returns that uneven smile that makes my heart race faster. “Last night was all you.”

“I needed that control, but it wasn’t all me. Could you have taken that knife?”

“We’ll never know.”

“I’m serious, Killian. I need you to—”

“Behave.”

“Yes. Do you actually understand that?”

“You made it painfully clear.” His hands cover his groin. “You won’t need the knife anymore.”

I lift my brow, skeptical, but deep down, only time will tell.

“I’ll give you whatever you want,” he adds and kisses my shoulder, warm and gentle.

I sigh and shrug because I am still defensive. I have not wrapped my head around everything this maniac did since I met him. Most of it, I had zero clue.

“Nothing is forgiven. Nothing. But it is kind of sweet how much you love me.”

“Kind of?”

“Okay. It’s really sweet. Although, I horribly underestimated how little you respected boundaries.”

“I was taking care of you,” he disregards. “I meant everything I said yesterday. I’ll be sober for you. You can test me anytime you want.”

I tap my chin, contemplating.

“I won’t test you anymore. I don’t want that kind of relationship with you.”

“Oh? But I love my lowly CNA.”

I chuckle, but shake my head. “I need to trust you, Killian. If you break my trust, it’ll break my heart. Hopefully, that’s enough to keep you sober.”

“It is,” he says without skipping a beat.

“I’m serious. I don’t want you to hurt me again. Seeing you use is...” My words trail off and I sniffle back tears.