Page 18 of Her Sloth

Loud music blasts into my ears as I close the door and walk into the living room.

My brother sits in his favorite armchair with Nikki on his lap, opposite Joy and Illy, who are quite occupied with themselves. Not that I don’t enjoy a good show, but tonight I have no patience for any of them.

“Yooooo, C,” says Ahmed, who sits on the kitchen counter separating the kitchen and living room. “You look like you need a beer.”

“Meh,” I say, ignoring the rest and getting upstairs. I’m not tired, but I need solace.

I throw my stuff onto my bed, open the window, and climb from it onto the roof. I always climbed up here whenever things got rough. Done so since childhood.

My father didn’t really care much; he had too much to do running the garage to keep us fed. So my brother and I, we raised ourselves. Between the street and rooftops. That’s where we find peace.

My brother pulls himself up onto the roof.

“I came here for silence,” I say coldly.

“I know,” he says and sits next to me without another word for a very long time.

My mind wanders off to everything that happened today.

“How did she even get in there?” I suddenly say. “Who let her in?”

“She’s Tommy’s,” my brother says. “Apparently been racing for him in L.A., and not bad.”

I scoff. As much as I want to hate her, her driving skills are extraordinary.

“She drifted half the street to cut that corner. Never seen anything like that in my life before,” I finally say.

My brother doesn’t answer, so we just sit there.

“It’s been a while since we sat here,” he says after a while.

“Yeah,” I say. He doesn’t know I’ve been up here almost every night since Elise died, unable to fall asleep.

“You ever wonder what happened to mom?” he asks out of the blue, and a cold shudder runs down my back.

“No,” I say harshly. “She left. Why would I care about someone who left us hanging?”

“I dunno,” he says. “Maybe she had a good reason.”

“No reason in the world justifies leaving your children behind,” I say dismissively. “Why don’t you go back? I’m sure they’re all chaos down there. I need some peace here.”

“Are you gonna be okay?”

“I’m fine, Jackass. Go, or I’ll push you down.”

He climbs back down, and I lean onto my knees as I stare at the Manhattan skyline.

I never loved the city for it. I have always been a Red Hook girl, and that will never change. The city, with its arrogant suits and money-flexing bastards who care about no one but themselves, taking over almost every hood in it—no, that’s not me.

Looking at the skyline is more like a reminder that all the glitter in the world, all the shiny facade, means nothing if there is no family to share it with. I’d rather live here in the rough with people who mean something than over there hustling to pretend to be something.

I despise that world because they believe us to be something lesser, something unworthy, something like vermin while they feast on us.

Like her.

6

AUDREY