Page 110 of Her Sloth

Tommy appears.

“Gotta steal your girl for a moment,” he says and pulls Cass out of my arm. She looks at me, wildly irritated.

“It’s family,” I tell her and shrug.

I stand with Bells, and we both stare into the ocean of the Los Angeles lights at night.

“Hailey would’ve loved it,” Bells then says.

“Would she?” I ask. Bells and everyone else here have watched me crash after everything that happened.

“She soooo would,” she says and gets a beer from her backpack for both of us. “I can see her smile up in the sky seeing us all here together.”

I look at Lorie and Luke laughing.

Tommy shows Cass something on his phone that makes her smile.

Jordan with the music.

Bells and I here.

“Yeah,” I say and look up at the sky.

“Stop punishing yourself for something that’s not your fault,” says Bells. “You’re allowed to find some happiness.”

“I’m scared,” I say, watching Cass and Tommy both laughing heartily now. “I’m scared that if I allow myself to be happy for just one second, everything will be taken from me again, leaving me with nothing but crushed pieces of hope and dreams.”

“That’s the risk of life,” says Bells. “When you ride, you know you might die. You ride anyway. So live. And love. Even if you lose everything again, at least you loved.”

A faint smile hushes over my face.

“When have you become all old and wise?” I ask.

She chuckles darkly.

“During all the nights I cried on the bathroom floor,” she says. “You’re not the only one with issues.”

It’s when I realize I am not the only person who lost Hailey. Bells has lost her best friend. She has lost the baby she was supposed to godmother. We have all lost so many things.

Homes.

Family.

Friends.

And yet, we are still here.

“Go get your girl,” says Bells, pointing to Cass, who stands alone, while Tommy went over to Jordan.

I smile weakly as I walk over to her.

“Everything alright?” I ask Cass as I hug her from behind and sling my arms around her.

“Yeah,” she says.

I breathe in her scent.

“Your hair smells good,” I whisper silently. And then, I kiss down her neck.