Page 109 of Make Me Mean It

I stare at the ceiling as everything I’ve managed not to think about comes rushing back at once. The alley. His mouth. His hands. Coming back here. Getting into his bed and doing it all over again because once somehow hadn’t been enough.

My chest tightens until the next breath doesn’t come properly.

I fucked a man.

Twice.

Theo Knox, who is currently asleep with his face tucked against my chest while I’ve been stroking his hair like this is something we do.

I look down at him, and my stomach turns, not because he’s here or because of what we’ve done, but because even with panic starting to crawl through my chest, I still don’t want to move.

My arm suddenly feels too tight around him, the room too warm, every place our bodies touch burning through my awareness until I can’t seem to pull in enough air.

I need to get out of this bed.

I start working myself free, carefully lifting Theo’s arm from my stomach and shifting towards the edge. Even now I’m trying not to wake him, which only makes the pressure in my chest climb higher.

Theo makes a quiet sound when my warmth leaves him and shifts across the mattress.

I freeze with one foot on the floor.

He settles again.

I stand and grab the first clothes within reach, dragging them on before I register the familiar grey joggers hanging loose from my hips.

Theo’s.

His shirt. His joggers. His body wash still on my skin.

I came in here needing a shower because I couldn’t stand feeling surrounded by him, and now I’m leaving dressed in his clothes.

A breath catches painfully in my chest.

I head for the door, only making it three steps before I look back.

Theo has sprawled into the space I left behind, dark hair falling across the pillow, mouth slightly open as he sleeps. The marks across his throat stand out against flushed skin, and my hand curls around the waistband of his joggers as that same possessive satisfaction from earlier tries to push through the panic.

Mine.

My marks.

My stomach flips.

I’m at the door before I can give myself another chance to look at him, pulling it shut behind me and stepping into the dark hallway.

Silence closes around me.

I press my back against the door and suck in a breath that doesn’t come close to filling my lungs.

Fuck.

I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.