Page 64 of Challenge Me

He chuckled. “Well, I’ll buy you as much as you need, but I know that’s not really the issue.”

“No.”

“So, what do you need?”

There was only silence, and I angled my head, trying to catch something. It went on for minutes, but Amir didn’t push her.

“Help,” she decided finally.

“Roman?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you ask him when you were at the game earlier?” She didn’t respond. “It’s hard to ask for help. Do you want me to talk to him?”

She let out a huff of air that was more on-brand for a nine-year-old than most of the things she’d done so far. “You can’t.”

“I’m trying to read between the lines, but you’ve got to help me out here.”

“You said you can’t always help me with things.”

“That’s true. You also don’t have to do everything on your own. Listen, Mal, I want to make sure that you’re prepared for the world, because we can’t always be there to help you, not that I don’t want to be.”

“I know.”

As I listened to them, something inside of me mourned—not for what I’d lost, but for the man who had forgotten that it was missing. Although, forgotten might have been a gentler way to describe the deliberate erasure I’d practiced for so long. After all, why dwell on things that were gone?

“Let’s meet in the middle, okay?” Amir suggested. “I’ll ask Roman to help you one of these days, but you have to explain it to him like you did to me.”

She grunted.

“It’s hard. I get that. Just because some things are harder for you doesn’t mean you can’t find a way that works for you.”

“Yeah.”

“So, what do you think? Is it a good compromise?”

“Fine.”

“Good. Now get your butt in bed. We’ll be up early tomorrow. Make sure you steal all the blankets from Mom, okay?”

Mal laughed lightly before it went quiet.

There was a sound to safety, a hush between words I’d never heard addressed to me. At least, not since before. I lived in the after. Always the after.

Leaning my cheek against the wall, I took a breath. Footsteps drew closer, and my heart beat strangely as I counted each one. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Like a cadence to the sound of my own heart.

It went silent, and after a long moment, the doorknob turned. Amir stepped in and glanced around. When he realized I was on the floor beside him, our eyes met, his swimming with things that I couldn’t name.

He held his hand out, so I took it and let him pull me to my feet. I was about to say something, but he walked me backward a couple of steps to the wall. My back bumped against it and left me nowhere to go.

“I’m sorry I got angry at you,” he said softly. “Having Mal here is the best thing you could’ve given me today.”

“You’re a good dad. She’s lucky to have you.”

“Thank you. Did you . . . not have a good dad?”

“Actually, I had the best dad.”