Page 36 of Challenge Me

“You find out I have money, so you look for ways to get something out of me. I hope the nice little vacation is everything you dreamed of.”

Before he could leave the room, I came up behind him. I wrapped an arm around his chest and brought my lips to his ear. “Vacation? All I’ve done is let you parade me around like a trophy.”

He pried my arm off of him and put some distance between us. “You chose to come to practices.”

“Yeah, because you want to paint this pretty picture of your life, but you’re not putting in the effort to convince anyone. I wonder why that is.” Cocking my head, I met his eyes. “Are you scared that being around me will crack that armor you’ve worn since our night together?”

“You always think I’m afraid of something. Projecting?”

“I fear nothing.”

“Mm. I think that’s the biggest lie you’ve told.”

A genuine laugh escaped me, and his confident expression faltered. “The only monsters we have to fear are ones we believe we can’t fight. So, no, I’m not afraid of a single thing.”

“Then, why do you have a gun?”

“To fight them, obviously.”

“And without the gun, you can’t sleep, so what sort of monsters visit you at night?”

My lips parted as I tried to think of a response.

He’d trapped me in that revelation, and it was clear that he knew it. Already, I could see the little bits of information stitch themselves together in his mind. If he thought he could assemble a few pieces of me and somehow form a complete puzzle, he was too idealistic.

“‘Let a man never stir on his road a step without his weapons of war,’” I quoted.

“Is that why you cover the mirror too?” He nodded toward the bathroom. “If you look at yourself, will you see a monster you want to fight?”

I hummed like I was thinking about it as I slowly bobbed my head. “If you want to hurt my feelings, you’ll have to try harder than that.”

“I’m just returning the energy you’re giving me.”

“My reaction to something isn’t dependent on the intention of your words.”

He seemed to contemplate that, but I didn’t want to hear anything else he had to say. When I started to close the door, he got the hint and stepped backward. I turned the lock, then returned to the bathroom. While Amir’s words replayed in my mind, the black sheet over the mirror taunted me, so I flicked the corner of it and let it fall.

My heart beat faster as I stared at my reflection. I took in the brown eyes that stared back at me. I thought they’d darkened over the years, as if they could take on the things they’d seen. Like my soul, they’d become tarnished, and I wondered if they would eventually abandon me like it had.

There was no smile in the glass, but I still saw it in my mind. A taunt. An image burned into me so deep that nothing could drown it—not booze, drugs, or anything of this world. I saw it reflected back at me, over and over again, just as I’d seen it in someone else’s, back when I thought revenge would taste like absolution. It turned out it was smoke on my tongue. The lesson was supposed to feel like victory, but all it left behind was silence, because even winning feels empty when the fight is all you are.

Funny how triumph rotted quicker than failure.

My arm swung, but my fist stopped before it hit the glass. I flattened my palm against the mirror while I recalled the words of a dozen people who had wanted to help me. In the end, Oli’s had been the ones that stuck more than the lessons I’d paid a bunch of professionals for.

Every breath is proof you still want to fight. This world isn’t done with you yet, and neither am I. So breathe. Just breathe.

Breathe.

Just fucking breathe.

Chapter 11

Amir

Remi’s eyes were getting darker by the day. When we were at the apartment, he locked himself away, but I didn’t believe that he slept at all. Somehow, he kept up appearances when we were at practices, and during the first game, he stood at his seat and cheered for me every time I was at bat. He didn’t have a clue how baseball worked, but he did his best.

I knocked on his door and rocked back on my heels. He opened it after a few seconds with hair that needed to be brushed.