Page 160 of Challenge Me

“I’ll tell Dean so he gets all growly about it. Now, stop deflecting from the issue at hand.”

Looking down at my tea, I considered what to say. “I don’t care what they all think about me. There are seven people who matter to me in this life. Two are watching me from Fólkvangr.”

“What do you think they’d say?”

“I’ve run through a hundred possibilities in my head,” I admitted. “The problem is, how can I convince myself of what they’d say if I can’t remember what they sound like?”

“Maybe you don’t convince yourself. You’re the one that’s still here, which means it’s on you to decide.”

“I wish I didn’t have to.”

“I used to imagine what my parents sounded like,” he said. “I just didn’t have anything to go off of. Sure, it sucks, but I think you might have to stop imagining at a certain point. It could be some sort of test.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, maybe this is some turning point in your life where you’re being given the chance to choose a path. You’re the same age now as they were when they died.” He took my hand before I could close myself off. “It’s an opportunity. Win or lose.”

“But what’s winning and what’s losing?”

“That’s the age-old question, I guess. People have done crazy things for love, but if they could go back at the end of their lives and look at it all, do you think they’d choose differently?”

“I’d say it’s probably split down the middle. Love has destroyed as much as it’s built.”

“It does both in equal measure. You just don’t get to decide what it chooses as its victims.”

“No.” I shook my head. “I don’t believe that.”

“It’s believable if you subscribe to the idea of universal balance. Destroying isn’t always bad, like building isn’t always good.”

“Not that part. It’s the choosing I refuse to believe. We always have choices. Whether it changes your fate is the real question.”

His head cocked. “What are you thinking?”

Bringing the cup to my lips, I shrugged. “I’m only rambling.”

“Are you?”

A rustle at the other side of the room gave me an excuse to ignore the question. At the entrance to the hallway, there was a figure watching us.

“Nosey?” I teased.

With an apologetic smile, Avery came the rest of the way into the room. “I’m sorry. I thought I’d check on you, but then I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“How’d you know I was up?”

“Ever since Mal was born, I’ve woken up to every little movement in the house.”

“A mother’s instincts. Downright impressive.”

“Now you know why I look forward to Amir’s weeks. I miss my daughter when she’s gone, but I enjoy sleeping in once in a while.”

She took a step closer, then paused. I scooted toward Oli and gestured for her to join us. Sitting at the end of the couch, she curled her legs beneath her.

“Why are you two up?” When we glanced at each other, she laughed lightly. “You remind me of my brothers sharing secrets.”

“It’s habit,” Oli explained. “Comes out in unfamiliar territory.”

“It must’ve been awful, being in foster care like that.”