Page 36 of Trust Me

“It’s fine.”

I shook my head. “Damnit, I should’ve thought about it. Seriously, what’s wrong with me?”

He started to say something, but I couldn’t stand to be in the kitchen any longer. My heartbeat was loud in my ears as I escaped the narrow space, heading for the back of the apartment. I could’ve gone out the front, but there would just be too much open space. Too tight, too wide. There was no winning.

My fingers fumbled with the latch on the sliding door. When it sprung up, I yanked it open and stumbled outside. Immediately, I felt a little bit better just by breathing in the crisp morning air. I shifted my focus to the plants on my balcony. There was a spider that had attached itself to my winter jasmine, and the silk of its web glistened in the sunshine with a spot of dew hanging from it, creating the perfect picture.

I wanted to pull out my phone, but I didn’t have it on me. Instead, I crouched to bring my nose closer to the flowers.

“Are you okay?”

My fingers tightened against my knee. “Look, man, I’m sorry—”

“Why are you apologizing so much?”

I felt his presence looming behind me, so I turned around abruptly, rising to my feet in the same motion. My hand bumped into the jasmine, and I felt something tickle my finger. I watched the spider crawl up to my wrist, searching for the home I’d just disturbed. Carefully, I brought it back to the web, then waited for it to return to its place there.

When I turned back to Dean, he looked somewhat bemused as he watched. I was torn between making more apologies or shutting the entire interaction down. Then, his eyes found mine, and in the light of the morning sun, they were incredibly warm.

“Seriously, it’s cool,” he said before I could think of any words. “I’m sure it won’t be a big deal to the manager. And if it is”—he shrugged easily—“the guys at the frat have a spot for me. They bug me about taking it all the time.”

“Why don’t you?”

“You wanna live in a house full of football guys who have parties every other weekend?”

I laughed a little, though it sounded forced. My nails dug into the back of my neck, but when I saw him watching the movement, I dropped my hand. “No, I’ve had my share of fighting for space.”

“Big family?”

“Something like that.”

He nodded once, and the mood seemed to lighten, as if the air that had once been heavy had suddenly thinned. “Well, I’m gonna shower. I’ll let you know about dinner.”

“Yeah, cool.”

He went back inside without another word, leaving me staring at the door. With a sigh, I turned and set my hands on the railing while I stared into the distance. This place didn’t offer a great view since all the buildings around it were taller, but I didn’t care about that. All I needed was the sense of freedom that came with it, the space to exist in a way I’d never been able to before I came here.

Hopefully, I hadn’t weirded out Dean enough to drive him away already. I didn’t want to stare at that bedroom door anymore, knowing it was empty in there but fearing what might come through it.

Was it fair to see him as a solution to that? Maybe, maybe not.

It’d be fine. I wasn’t going to keep freaking out over nothing. This was new, and there had never been anyone in my space like this.

My entire life, I’d lived in other people’s houses, always existing as the extra, the boy who had to stretch and mold himself into whatever space he walked into. The boy who had to wonder how long it would last. How bad it would be this time. Whether I’d become unlucky enough to end up with the scars Remi carried around on his soul.

I wasn’t that boy anymore. It was starting to feel like I’d have to remind myself every day for the rest of my life.