Page 103 of Trust Me

“Yeah, I feel that.” He ran a hand through his curls. “But there are a lot of reasons we push people away. You don’t share a lot of your life, but I know what happened with Sadie was bad. Are you scared of being hurt again? Maybe you’re in fight or flight.”

“No, actually. He would never do that. If anything, he’s the one who needs constant reassurance.” Pausing, I tried to figure out how to word my next question. “How old were you when your parents died?”

His eyes met mine, his brows going up for a second. “Sixteen.”

Wringing my hands together, I nodded slowly. “Does it make you afraid to get close to people?”

“I’m more afraid to lose a chance with the right person. Losing them showed me how fleeting life can be, and it doesn’t matter who you are or what choices you make. They went to the symphony, and that was the last thing they ever did. In a tragic way, I think it’s beautiful because they got to enjoy their favorite thing together: music.”

I understood what he was saying, but it was different than what Oli had been through. He didn’t know a single thing about his parents. He’d never felt love like that, but he deserved to.

“I don’t know if I can give him what he’s searching for,” I admitted.

“That’s something you have to decide. If you care about someone, truly care about them, I think you’re capable of being everything for them. And if they love you, you’ll be enough. You just have to figure out whether it’s worth putting in the time for them.”

I looked away from him, even though I wasn’t sure why.

Was Oli worth me putting myself out there, changing the things I thought I knew about myself? I had no idea what I wanted from him or why it felt like it mattered so much. The mere thought of him being in pain, of the look in his eyes when his insecurities surfaced, made me want to hunt him down right now.

“We have to treasure every moment, Dean. We never know how many we’ll get in this life.”

“Do you think . . .” I took a long breath and forced myself not to back out of the question. “Do you think sexuality is always a spectrum?”

He surprised me by chuckling. “I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t think there’s any one size fits all. Is that what’s keeping you from jumping in?”

“It was just a question.”

“Okay. I’m going to keep playing. You can stick around, and if anything else pops into your head, let it out. I’m happy to be your sounding board tonight.”

“Thanks, but I think I’m gonna go home.”

“Sure. You’ve got my number.”

“Yeah. You’re too perfect, you know.”

He smiled before he returned to the bench in front of his keyboard. “None of us are perfect. If we were, we wouldn’t have any of the beautiful things that only human suffering can inspire. Bleak, maybe, but I think it’s only in darkness that we learn how to create our own light.”

*****

I didn’t know what time it was when something woke me up. Early enough that I was still tired and the room was dark.

Getting to my feet, I tugged on a t-shirt and stumbled to the door. When I swung it open, I saw a body on the couch, which made me relax. Then I remembered that Remi was here, but there was only one person in front of me.

The deadbolt turned from outside, so I walked over to the door. Unlocking it, I cracked it and peered out. I caught a glimpse of dark hair descending the stairs, so I quickly ran back to my room and threw on some sweats and a pair of shoes. After I’d locked up, I took off toward the gate.

Oli’s headlights were on, and I reached him just as he was pulling out of his spot. When he saw me, he stopped, meeting my eyes through the window.

I went around to the passenger side and opened the door. After I sat down, I tapped my fingers on my thighs. “Where are you going?”

“To clean up the bar. Remi said it’s a wreck.”

I nodded slowly. “I was going to do it.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“It’ll be faster with both of us.”

His stare made my skin prickle, but I didn’t look at him. Without a word, he started driving. It was silent the entire way, which wasn’t very far, but it sure felt like it. The music coming from the speakers just made it worse. Something from anime, I imagined. It made the whole thing feel high-stakes.