Page 98 of When We Were Young

“What the hell, man? You’re freaking me out a little.” I laugh under my breath. “Aren’t you the brother who doesn’t talk about emotional stuff?”

Harrison snorts. “Delaney’s changing me. And don’t deflect. This is about you, and you know what I’m talking about,” he continues. “Are you denying it’s there?”

I hold his gaze for a few seconds before looking away again.

“No,” I admit quietly. “It’s always been there since that happened.”

“Hmm.”

That’s all he says. Then, after about thirty seconds of dead silence, he clears his throat and speaks again.

“Do you think this could be your second chance?”

“I don’t know. I’m not even sure she’d want that.” I drag a hand through my hair. “And once in a while, there’s a hint of something—tension, maybe—coming from her. It’s almost like she’s hypervigilant, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. And I don’t know how to let myself fully dive into this when there’s still something in the shadows that could destroy everything again.”

The thought alone makes my chest tighten.

“I’m not sure I’d survive it a second time.”

Harrison stays quiet for a few beats.

“This is where I need Dad. No offense,” I toss him a quick glance, “But Dad would’ve probably taken me out fishing by ourselves, and somehow I’d end up knowing what to do by the end of the day without even realizing he’d told me.”

Harrison chuckles. “Yeah, he was great at that. Giving you the advice you needed without it even seeming like you talked about the issue you were struggling with.”

I reposition myself upright again and smile. “He took me on one of those fishing trips when I was so torn up about Ruby, and I swear, after that was the first time I could take a few baby steps to fight my way out of the downward spiral I was in.”

Harrison clears his throat. I don’t look at him in case he’s tearing up. He wouldn’t want me to see that.

“Uh, is that your way of asking me to take you fishing?” His light joke is the perfect way to relieve some of the heaviness around the conversation.

I laugh. Every once in a while, our serious Harrison can crack a good joke. After a few seconds, we ease into a comfortable quiet for a minute or two. My brain, though, keeps chattering away, disrupting my peace.

“I worry that my approach to relationships has finally caught up with me. I suspect Lizette knows my reputation, and she probably doesn’t trust that I could change.”

“Have you told her why you do it?”

I turn and look at him. “What are you talking about?”

“The hookups. The rules. All the distance you keep between yourself and other people to protect your heart.”

I let out a sharp breath. “First of all, you guys always made me sound way more active than I ever actually was.”

“Hmm. Why didn’t you correct us?”

I shrug. “It was easier to let everyone believe it than have people bugging me about why I hadn’t settled down. People trying to fix me up…”

I look over at him to find him watching me intently.

“Have you explained any of that to her?” he asks.

“How do you explain to the woman you might love that you spent the last ten years having occasional hookups and avoiding anything remotely resembling a romantic relationship?”

“You tell her the truth.”

“That’ll go over really well.”

“I mean the real truth.”