Page 14 of When We Were Young

I slowly shake my head and find her gaze, holding it.

“Nope. These classes are fairly easy for how my brain works. I study so much because I want to be here in the library and not look like a weirdo.”

She breaks our eye contact and looks everywhere but at me. She fumbles with her hands, then picks up the champagne flute and takes another drink before setting it down.

“Holden...”

I don’t like the way that sounded, and I immediately regret saying what I did to her and planning this maybe over-the-top gesture. I’m just another guy in the library to her, and now she’ll think I’m an idiot.

“Wait. I don’t want to ruin our dinner. And I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I’m not gonna lie; I’ve got a bit of a crush on you, and it’s totally cool if you don’t feel the same way. I didn’t mean to make things awkward.”

She reaches across our makeshift tablecloth and places a few fingers on top of my hand.

I look down where we touch, then back up at her.

“I don’t know what to say, and I’m very flattered, but I don’t think it’s a good idea—and not because I don’t like you. But there are... There are things in my life that make the idea of anything besides friendship something I shouldn’t entertain. It truly isn’t you. I’ve actually really enjoyed spending this time together and getting to know you.”

Geez. Why didn’t I keep my mouth shut instead of ruining things? Did she really give me the “It’s not you” line? I’m pretty sure it is, in fact, me.

We spend the next few minutes in silence while eating our peanut butter and jelly, then Skittles—her favorite—for dessert. I don’t miss that she picks out the purple ones to eat.

I absolutely don’t want to pressure her, and you can’t make someone have romantic feelings if they don’t. But something in her answer concerns me; there’s something she’s holding back. I won’t push her, but I really hope she’ll share it with me at some point.

When we finish, I clean up our dinner area and put the remaining supplies into the bag I brought with me.

“Do you still want to stay and talk for a little bit?”

Her voice is timid and unsure, and I hate that my overstepping caused it. My chest tightens at the thought. I never want her to feel as if I don’t want to talk with her, even if she said something that wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

“Of course. If you do, I mean.”

I wait with bated breath for her answer.

She says nothing but nods and scoots along the commercial-grade carpet until her back is leaning against one of the stacks of books. I make myself more comfortable as well, finding a spot where I’m near her but can stretch out my legs.

“So, I never asked before, and maybe I should have, but do you have a girlfriend?”

My jaw drops open, and I tip my head back until it’s resting on the metal shelf behind me. I take a deep breath before I turn my head to the side and look her directly in the eye.

“Do you think I would’ve done all of this for you if I had a girlfriend? Even though we’re just friends, this isn’t something a guy does with another girl when he has a girlfriend. At least not a good guy.”

I swear something like relief flashes across her face.

“Oh, that’s good. I figured, but I didn’t want to assume.”

Wait, am I assuming? Maybe she’s the one who isn’t single. That would be horrible. Embarrassing.

“How about you? Are you dating anyone?”

There she goes, biting her lip again. Something I’ve said hit a nerve with her.

“No, I don’t have a boyfriend. But I have an ex-boyfriend.”

I wait to see if she’ll say more, but she doesn’t.

“Okay. I have an ex-girlfriend, and she doesn’t really factor into any of this. But something in the way you said that makes me think he does.”

She hesitates, then subtly shakes her head.