Page 96 of Bound Hearts

“Stay with him. Don’t let him out of your sight,” she pleads in panic.

I step away, trying to peek over the heads of the staff. Something doesn’t feel right, or does it? I’m not sure.

As the horror begins to sweep into me, it soon vanishes as the doctor turns around, holding Levi. “Let’s bring you to Mom.”

When he sets him in Sutton’s arms, tears begin to spill down her cheeks. “So this is what you look like.”

“Is everything okay?” I check in with the doctor and keep my eyes fixed on my son, who is a tiny wonder.

“Everything is fine. He’s a little small. Five pounds one ounce. I’m not concerned based on the first assessment. We’ll do a more thorough examination in a few minutes, and I’ll keep them both here for at least a few days for observation,” the doctor explains. “Congratulations.”

I nod in acknowledgment, but my stomach feels sour. Stress caused this, probably what I put her through the last few weeks. He’s here early and small. They both could have been at more risk. It’s all my doing.

Slowly I step toward my wife and son. Sutton’s blissfully happy, staring down at Levi. I sit beside her on the bed and look down at the squinched face of our little boy, his first breaths out in the world.

It’s a flash before my eyes of all the possibilities for him, all the hopes.

Every turn of Sutton’s and my journey led us to this very moment.

A son who binds Sutton and me forever.

But he won’t bear that responsibility on his shoulders, because Sutton and I were bound to end up for life, anyhow.

29

SUTTON

Iblacked out.

Not sure when, but I remember someone mentioning it was a crashing of the adrenaline rush and exhaustion that caused it. Sleep was the cure.

Groggily, I wake sometime later, my body numb but not in pain. Light and heavy at the same time. Blinking my eyes, the room is bright from the cloudy afternoon that comes through the windows. It’s very quick for me to feel Foster’s presence because, in the corner of my eye, he is sitting next to the bed that’s covered in hospital blankets. His elbows are on his knees, and his head hangs to look at the ground. He’s a vision of a man who has been waiting. As I stir, it draws his attention, and his gaze shoots up. Instantly, I see his eyes are dark, and his stubble is beginning to outline his chin. He clearly hasn’t slept. Instead, his face displays concern.

“Where’s—”

He places his hand on my wrist to stop me from moving too fast. “Shh, it’s okay. He’s sleeping peacefully.”

“Then why don’t you look peaceful?” I ask softly with my eyes swinging between the clear baby bassinet, along the bed near my feet, the mere sight making my heart soar, and Foster, who is intent on not letting me out of his view.

“It’s all my fault.” His voice is thick with guilt. “I did this. I caused you too much stress and put you both at risk.”

Ah, I figured it might cross his mind at some point. Guilt is a powerful force.

Slowly, I slide my body up to sit. “It’s not,” I say bluntly.

“You probably wouldn’t be here if I didn’t…”

I give him a tiny smile of comfort. “It probably means that there’s also a chance that it wasn’t your fault. I know I just delivered a tiny human with your eyes, but I’m sure I remember that the doctor mentioned that there is no indication that anything made this happen. Some babies are just early.”

“Still.” His rasp is fragile.

“I don’t want to hear it. He’s healthy, and judging by the giant stuffed bunny sitting on the table behind you, he will be very happy, too.”

He begins to crack a smile and scoops up my hand. “I’ll make sure he is always happy. You too, I promise.”

“I know. I believe it more than you might think I do.”

A small crackle draws our attention to the baby's bassinet. Levi is perhaps beginning to wake up.