Page 22 of Legacy of Deception

My palms grew sweaty, and I gave in to my desire to look at him.

His expression tightened, his attention unwavering. “Curiosity stems from somewhere, but you don’t have to tell me.” His hand curled at his side. “You can have your secrets for all I care,” he spat out.

That wasn’t true, and we both knew it. Not because I owed him anything, but because if we were going to be stuck together, living together soon, and getting married, secrets were only going to tear at the fabric of whatever little relationship we had. It was bad enough we had an unhealthy, unnatural start, and I didn’t want to let it grow like mold, spreading and becoming toxic to our health.

Honestly, outside of Capri, I didn’t have many people I could talk to. It would’ve been nice to have someone else. Someone outside of my family who didn’t have ridiculously high expectations for me, seeing anything I did as an inconvenience to their overall plan, whatever that plan may have been. Like my father, for instance. Unfortunately, my mother fell in that category because she was complacent and didn’t want to lose the benefits money bought her. In fact, she yearned for the connections and prestige as much as my father, making her just as complicit in all of this.

“It is,” I whispered, my voice cracking, quivering before I could get another word out. It is more than curiosity.

His fingers grazed mine at my side, but I didn’t have the bandwidth to deal with whether that was intentional or not. “What do you mean?”

Emotion clogged my throat.

I meant it felt like everything in the universe conspired to remind me I was pregnant. To make me acknowledge it.

I meant I was having a baby.

I meant it was unplanned.

I meant I was scared.

I meant I was not prepared.

I meant I didn’t know if I could be like Maria.

Maria, who was taking baby Nicolo from Jade as he began getting fussy in the middle of the ceremony.

Maria, who looked at her son with a love and affection in her eyes that was undoubtedly obvious from a million miles away.

She was a natural.

She had a maternal instinct I didn’t possess. I knew I didn’t because I had never looked forward to babysitting when I had been younger. I didn’t feel drawn to children playing in the park. I wasn’t going to be a good mom.

I wouldn’t know when they were hungry or they had gas or they wanted attention or they were scared or…or…or…anything at all.

Tears stung at my eyes as the pregnancy test reading positive flashed in my mind like a beacon of light. Except this one was not hopeful. It was filled with despair and dread and horror.

Most times I forgot to feed myself.

I often stayed up too late and regretted it the next morning.

I was never good about watching my intake of alcohol at parties or bars, so I could never be the designated driver.

I was never a friend someone called to get advice.

I was the one who was always in need of advice.

People didn’t depend on me for a reason.

To think I was going to be the only thing keeping this baby alive. Even if I did go through this with Marco, I couldn’t ask him or expect him to have any sort of role in their life.

I would be the only thing they had. Any man, boyfriend, fiancé, husband, it didn’t matter, wouldn’t be the biological father. They wouldn’t feel any type of pull toward the baby or responsibility for it.

This baby would depend solely on me. Because I was their biological mother, and I wasn’t as fortunate as Maria. I didn’t have a male best friend to swoop in and play uncle, only to fall in love with me and want to raise the child as his own.

Oh, gosh, they would be dependent on me for everything.

Panic seized my chest.