Page 24 of The Status Situation

Slamming my arms on the comforter, I blow my now messy hair out of my face. “Oh yeah. It’s going great! So much so that he’s already falling for me.”

When Darius doesn’t say anything in response or freak out the way I am, I look over at him. However, I wish I hadn’t. He’s looking at me like I’ve grown a second head or lost my mind, and maybe I have. No sane person would have a total breakdown over getting what they want.

“Okay.” He draws out the word. “And that’s mope worthy because?”

“I don’t know!” I exclaim, throwing my hands up in frustration. “And that’s the problem! It’s exactly what I’ve wanted! It’s everything I’ve wanted, and yet now that it actually happened, it scares the shit out of me.” I groan, once again fighting off tears. I’m honestly surprised that I have any left. “God, what’s wrong with me, Darius?”

“Oh, honey.” Darius brings my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles. “There’s nothing wrong with you. And you know I would tell you if there was. Just like I have no problem telling you when a particular pair of pants makes your ass look huge. Which is all of them because you have a naturally big ass, by the way. But it’s a nice ass, so don’t start freaking out about that too.”

I laugh again, this time through my tears, though I’m not sure how to take or unpack all of that.

“Look,” he continues. “You are always saying that I ‘act like I know you’, but I’m not acting. I do know you. You are my best friend, Maria, the only person in this entire world whose view of me didn’t change when you found out that I like men. You accepted me for who I am when my own parents couldn’t, and you asked me to be your roommate within two weeks of knowing me. No one wanted to room with me in college, not even my so-called friends.” With a sigh, he thumps his head back against the headboard, as if trying to clear the painful memories. “Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, because you are my best friend, I cherish the relationship we have. I pay attention. That’s how I know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are just scared.”

I blink, my brain trying to catch up with the emotional bomb he just dropped. The part of me that wants to take care of everyone else wants to focus on the sappy, emotional part of his speech. However, just as Darius claims to know me, I know him as well. He doesn’t do ‘emotional’ well, and most of the time, it makes him shut down. He’s still guarded and will let me in more when he’s ready.

“What makes you think I’m scared?” I ask instead.

He smiles gratefully, obviously realizing what’s going through my mind. “You think very little of yourself, Maria, and you don’t think you are worthy of much. Now, you are scared because you think it’s only a matter of time before he sees you that way, too. You like him a lot, and you are afraid that it’s going to go up in flames and hurt more because of how much you like him. How am I doing so far?”

“How am I supposed to know?” I snap a little too defensively. “You are the one who claims to know me so well!”

He raises an eyebrow and folds his arms across his chest.

I try to ignore him, I really do, but his words resonate with me, and I think they might actually be true. I’m worried that Mark would be settling for me when he could do so much better. He already admitted to Sean pressuring him about dating, like Darius had been doing to me, so maybe that’s clouding his judgment?

Unfortunately, Darius’ words make sense. While this is everything I could have wanted, I don’t know that I can say the same about Mark.

“Alright,” I grumble. “You’re right. I’m scared.”

“And that’s totally normal!” He retorts. “Love is scary!”

My eyes suddenly go wide, and I sit up so fast that Darius flinches. I quickly shake my head. “Whoa, Darius. No. I’m not in love with⁠—”

“Relax.” He waves me off with a roll of his eyes. “I know. But it is heading that way, and you can’t tell me it’s not. You wouldn’t be this scared otherwise.”

“Okay. So…so what do I do then?”

He shrugs. “Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do. With love comes the risk of getting hurt. You just have to decide if it’s worth it or not. If he is worth it.”

I press my lips together in thought. “Well, I think he is. At least, I want him to be. But I also don’t want him to end up regretting his decision or resenting me.”

“Jesus, Maria. You are acting like I’m asking you to marry the man!”

“No, I⁠—”

“There’s no other explanation for you freaking out like this,” he says confidently. “You need to slow down. Date the guy first, and get to know him a bit. The trust will come.”

“I don’t know, Darius,” I mutter sheepishly. “I think… I think I may have messed things up with him already. I really freaked when he told me he was falling for me, and I’ve ghosted him for the last three days.”

Darius pats my leg and then jumps out of my bed before going to my closet and starting to dig through my clothes. “First of all, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. If you explain things to him, I know he will understand. Secondly…” He pauses for a moment too long. “I may or may not have spoken to him earlier.”

“I’m sorry, what?” I screech, scrambling to get out of bed.

My best friend exits my closet with my lavender dress in his hands. “You shower; I talk. That’s how this is going to go.”

I scrunch my nose at him and stick out my tongue, but then stomp my way to my private, ensuite bathroom. After turning on the water so it can start warming up, I strip out of my clothes, trying to ignore how badly I need to shower. The warmth of the water makes me sigh as I step inside and close the shower door.

Darius enters a few moments later, setting my dress and a pair of clean underwear on the bathroom counter.