Page 38 of Bound By Blood

Carly hung her head in shame. “I know.”

Obviously sensing her unease, Lily moved on. “Okay. So clearly things escalated kind of quickly from there. Is he what’s got you so messed up in the head right now?” Lily was never one to beat around the bush. She had no problems calling Carly out on her bullshit.

Carly narrowed her eyes. “Yes.”

“Why? What happened?”

How the hell was she supposed to explain all this? “We hung out a few times. We got to know each other a little, and then I had to open my big fucking mouth and ruin it.”

Lily looked at her knowingly. “Let me guess. He tried to open up to you, tried to treat you the way you are supposed to be treated, and you went and treated him like shit in return to try and protect yourself. Do I have that right?”

Carly hissed between her teeth, “I hate that you know me so well.”

“No, you don’t. Because I’m the only one you let get to know you. Without me, you’d have no one because you keep pushing everyone else away.” Lily shook her head a little. “I don’t understand it. Take Landon, for instance. What did he ever do to deserve to have you treat him like shit? To close yourself off and refuse to let him in? Did he actually do anything to deserve it, or are you, once again, letting your past dictate your future?”

Carly winced. She knew she was telling the truth, and the truth hurt. Despite it being against the rules, Landon had opened up to her more than she had expected him to. He had started introducing her to this world, even though it had been hard for him to do so. She could see it in his eyes, he wanted to protect her from the darkness that surrounded him and his kind, but he had started letting her in because she asked him to. And how did she repay him? She told him she’d go fuck someone else.

If she could go back in time, would she have been able to stop?

She remained silent because, really, her silence was enough.

Lily sighed and reached across the table, covering Carly’s hand with her own. “Look, you know I love you. You are my best friend. But you can’t keep doing that, Carly. You can’t keep guarding yourself on the off chance that someone is going to hurt you. That’s no way to live. I know you’ve been through hell, but it’s never going to get better if you don’t try.”

Breathing deeply, Carly nodded. Lily was right. She needed to try, otherwise, she was going to be alone for the rest of her life with nothing to show for it. And she deserved better for herself than to shove everyone but Lily away. “So, how do I make it right then?”

Lily shrugged. “I can’t tell you that. I don’t know exactly what happened, so I don’t know how far you pushed him away already. All I can tell you is to talk to him. Maybe try explaining to him why you are so fucking stubborn and closed off as you are.”

That would mean trusting someone with her secrets, some secrets that Lily didn’t even know about. Lily had no idea that Carly was a killer, that she had murdered, even if it was to save her own life. She just knew how Carly had to fight for her life when she was on the streets. There was a reason Carly had trust issues, she knew that. Somehow, she would have to find it in herself to trust Landon with it. After all, he trusted her. No other human knew that vampires existed, and all the secrets that go with them. It was only fair.

“What if he never wants to see me again?” she whispered. Well, she had to make a trip with him, but after that? After they figured out what was going on, what happened next?

The nausea returned. If she couldn’t fix this, then she went back to being plain old Carly, and Landon would go back to his life without a second thought. It broke her heart a little.

Lily pressed her lips together in a frown. “I hate to say it, but that’s a possibility. I know you, I know how hard you push people away. It’s entirely possible that you pushed him too far. But at least now, you know for next time. There will be other guys, Carly. There is nothing special about Landon Creed.” She paused and narrowed her eyes. “Unless you are into him because his family is fucking loaded.”

Carly waved a hand in the air. “I don’t care about his money.” And it was the truth. She had never once thought about him being rich. But something Lily said rattled her. There would be other guys. She couldn’t fathom being with anyone else, even though that was what she said to Landon. The thought made her want to throw up her cereal.

God, she couldn’t believe she left him with the impression that she was going to fuck other people. She shouldn’t have said that. That was what got her into this mess. Hell, she didn’t even mean it. But those words were something she could not take back, and she knew it.

She wouldn’t tell Lily this, though. Lily couldn’t know how deep her obsession went, because then there would be more questions and disapproving looks and lectures. She’d rather Lily see Landon as she saw him now, untainted with this otherworldly bond that she and Landon shared.

Lily studied her for a while, and then her expression widened. “Oh my god.”

Carly’s brows pinched together. “What?”

She covered her mouth with her hand. “You’re falling in love with him.”

Carly slumped in her chair. “I have no idea what love actually feels like, Lily.” She’d never been in love with anyone. She loved people, like Lily and Zach and her other friends, but to be in love? Was it supposed to hurt this bad?

Lily blew out a breath and shook her head. “What you are feeling right now? This depression, the sick feeling that comes along with his not wanting to see you again? That’s what it feels like. You’re falling in love with Landon Creed.” She paused and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I need a fucking drink.”

“It’s still morning,” Carly said, blinking at her friend. But Lily’s drinking was the least of her concerns. Was it possible that what Lily said was true? Could she really be falling for Landon? She knew that there was a connection between them. She knew that she didn’t like the thought of never seeing him again. Or the thought of him being with anyone but her. But did that mean she loved him? She wasn’t so sure it was that easy, and besides, that brought a whole slew of other questions and concerns. What if she pushed him too far and now he really did want to break the bond between them? What would she do then?

Carly rubbed at the ache in her chest. God, this sucked.

“Don’t you have to work today?” Carly asked Lily as Lily rose from her chair and headed into the kitchen. She desperately wanted to change the subject. Her friend could see right through her, and she didn’t want her to look any closer than she already had because Carly still wasn’t sure about any of the answers Lily would surely find.

“No,” Lily proclaimed, shaking her head. She grabbed two glasses from the cupboard. “I took the day off to take care of you.”