Page 176 of When Love Takes Root

I opened my mouth.

Nothing came.

Josiah nodded slowly, pain tightening his jaw. “Did I disrespect your husband?” My eyes burned. “Did I sit in his chair after your son told me not to?”

“No,” I whispered.

“Did I talk down to your children?” I swallowed. “Did I embarrass Kayden after he embarrassed himself?” A tear slid down my cheek. “Did I put my hands on anything in your house without being invited? Did I go upstairs without you asking me? Did I make Maya feel ashamed for those outlets? Did I make you choose between me and your babies?”

Each question hit me softer than an accusation and harder than a shout.

I shook my head because my voice wouldn’t work.

Josiah stepped back, like even my tears needed space from him.

“Then I need you to see what you’re doing.” My breath caught. His voice roughened. “I’m not saying that to hurt you. I’m saying it because I care about you, and I’m not going to stand here and let fear use your love for your children to lie to you.”

The tears came faster.

His voice softened, but his eyes stayed steady. “You told Maya nothing is ever more when it comes to y’all. And you meant it. I watched you mean it. You reached across that table and put that child back in her place as your daughter. You reminded her she wasn’t a burden. You reminded all of them.”

My hand went to my chest.

Josiah’s voice roughened again. “You just looked every child in that house in the face and told them they could never be too much for you. Then you brought me out here and tried to convince me you’re too much for everybody else.”

A sound broke out of me before I could stop it.

Josiah’s mouth tightened.

He felt it.

He still kept going.

“And I need you to hear how unfair that is to you, to them, and to the God you keep trusting with everybody’s heart except your own.”

I covered my mouth.

His jaw shifted once. He looked down, breathed through his nose, then lifted his eyes back to mine.

“You know the Word, Celeste. God hasn’t given us a spirit of fear. You know that. But sometimes fear doesn’t sound like fear when it comes out of a responsible woman’s mouth. Sometimes, it sounds like, ‘My kids come first.’ Sometimes, it sounds like, ‘I need peace.’ Sometimes, it sounds like, ‘It’s too much right now.’”

He shook his head once.

“But peace and panic don’t move the same way. Peace doesn’t have you shaking on your own patio. Peace doesn’t make you cry before the man even leaves. Peace doesn’t punish somebody for treating you well.”

My fingers trembled against my lips.

“Kayden was wrong tonight. He’s hurting, and he was still wrong. Both can be true. Loving him doesn’t mean letting his grief run this house. Covering him doesn’t mean letting him uncover you.”

My chest tightened so hard I could barely breathe.

“And Maya hiding those outlets from you should’ve opened something in you, not shut something down. That baby thought her need was too much for you. Now you’re about to teach every child in that house your need is too much too.”

“Josiah,” I mumbled, voice breathy.

His voice stayed low, but there was weight in it now. “No, hear me. Please hear me.” I went still. “I’m not asking you to ignore your children. I’d never respect myself asking that of you. I love the way you love them. I love how fast you see them. I love how you correct them and cover them in the same breath. I love that Jamal’s name still has honor in that house.”

His throat moved.