Page 55 of Smoke Signals

Everything inside me goes still.

I didn’t know.

My stomach drops as images flash through my mind; sirens, smoke, Lance walking out the door for the last time, promises nobody meant to break.

“Oh,” I say, and the word comes out flatter than I mean it to.

Alaska pushes another block toward me. I take it automatically, my attention split between her and the sudden tightness in my chest.

“You’re quiet,” Stellan says gently.

I swallow. “Sorry. I was thinking.”

A beat passes.

“You’re angry,” he says.

“I’m not angry,” I say quickly, then exhale. “Okay, that’s not entirely true. I was mad for like two seconds. I’m over it.”

Silence hums between us.

“I think I’m more… hurt,” I admit. “Which I don’t have a right to be. I knew what you did when we met and knew you were on leave so of course you’d go back. That’s your career, and you love it. I know you do.”

I rub a hand over my face, watching Alaska line blocks into a crooked row.

“But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried,” I continue. “Or scared for you.”

I glance at Alaska and turn slightly away, pressing my fingers against my forehead as heat stings behind my eyes.

“After my brother,” I say softly, almost whispering, “I get wound tight about people I care about running toward danger. Especially danger that’s on fire.”

For a second neither of us speaks.

“I should’ve told you,” he says. “I was excited, honestly. When I called to update my captain, he wanted me in right away. Everything moved fast and I didn’t think past that. I wasn’t trying to keep it from you.”

“I know,” I say.

“I was safe,” he adds. “And I’m going to keep being safe.”

I almost argue, almost say you can’t promise that, but the words stop halfway to my mouth. Instead I nod even though he can’t see me.

“I know you will,” I say quietly.

There’s a small shift in his tone then, lighter, teasing creeping in. “Can we go back to the part where you admitted you care about me?”

Heat climbs into my face despite myself. “You’re unbelievable.”

“I heard it,” he says. “Can’t unhear it.”

I shake my head, smiling even as nerves flutter low in my stomach. “Yeah. I like you.”

The words feel strange, simple, and terrifying all at once.

“I like you too,” he says immediately. “So maybe we should do something about that.”

I blink. “Like what?”

A small pause, then, “Be my boyfriend.”