Page 102 of A Tempest of Shadows

“It’s not your fault, but you have to talk with him. He can make things so bad for you, Ryker.”

“There’s nothing more he can do to me.”

I hoped that was true, but I was sure that malevolent man could find a way to make it worse.

Despite the warmth of the late spring day, a chill crept down my spine. Our future was so unsure, and I was growing increasingly certain things between us would soon end.

It was inevitable.

CHAPTER EIGHTY-SIX

Ellery

Over the next week, we never slipped back into the honeymoon phase of our relationship. The fantasy was broken, but I couldn’t stop loving him.

I was going to hurt him and didn’t know how to stop this. I couldn’t change my awful choices, and while becoming the Hooded Robber wasn’t my best decision, I wouldn’t have changed what I did.

Donning the hood wasn’t something I would ever do again, but I’d helped a lot of amsirah, and I never could have seen this coming. How was I supposed to guess that I would ever even talk to Ryker again, never mind fall in love with him?

I’d never hated myself more, yet I couldn’t stay away from him. I loved him; he was the one amazing thing in my life.

I’d never considered myself selfish, but when it came to him, I was a greedy bitch.

“Are you okay?” Scarlet asked. “You’re so quiet today.”

I lifted my head from where we were working to pull weeds from the rows of growing crops. My mother and Scarlet’s father, mother, and little brother were in the fields too, but we were tucked into the rows of corn, working together as we had ever since we were little girls.

When my father was alive, we had a plethora of amsirah working the fields, but he insisted I also learn how to do so. He’d believed we couldn’t appreciate the land and the beauty of what we had without digging our fingers into the earth.

Because of him, I’d poured blood and sweat into the earth I loved so much and would do so for as long as I lived.

I studied Scarlet as I sat back on my heels and brushed a strand of hair off my face. It had been a while since we’d sat and talked; I’d been so involved with Ryker and the hunt for the Hooded Robber while she’d remained at the manor.

“No, I’m not,” I admitted.

Scarlet leaned back and rested her hands on her knees as her head tilted to study me. Her deep red hair shone in the sun’s rays as her brown eyes filled with concern. “What’s wrong?”

I hadn’t seen much of Scarlet since I started helping Ryker hunt for the Hooded Robber, but my mother needed me at the manor this week. The timing worked well, as Ryker had already decided to check on his mother’s property.

He’d left yesterday and told me he’d be back on Wednesday. It was only three days but I already missed him.

“I’ve messed up so badly,” I breathed and unleashed all my awfulness on Scarlet.

She could bear it, and I knew she would take it to her grave. As she listened, her eyes grew wider and her mouth parted. When I finished, it took her a while to respond as she digested my confession.

“Lery,” she finally breathed.

“I know I’m awful,” I gushed, “and I know I messed up. I would give anything to change it all. I would never put on that hood⁠—”

“If you never put on the hood, he wouldn’t be a part of your life.”

My mind spun as she revealed this whole new angle I’d never considered before, and while it was true… “That doesn’t make it better.”

“I know, but does he make you happy?”

“Happier than I’ve been in years. Happier than I ever dreamed I could be. The way he makes me feel….” I sighed as my words trailed off. “I can’t begin to describe how much I love him or how happy I am with him, even if it’s all clouded in doubt and guilt.”

I didn’t dare let myself think about how wonderful it would be if we didn’t have our statuses and all my lies between us. It was a dream too big to contain and an impossibility that could never be.