Page 75 of Insidious

I don’t give her the chance.

“We need to get going,” I say, offering a polite smile which I hope conveys the fuck off I would rather not resort to. “Amelie’s getting cranky.”

It’s the biggest lie I’ve told all week because my girl is perfectly fine, content and curious in her little basket. But it serves its purpose, drawing a clear line in the sand. Luna and Amelie are the non-negotiable centres of my universe.

I turn to Luna before Chloe recoups. Her wide green eyes search mine, something like hope and curiosity in them. I can work with that.

“Shall we go?”

She meets my eyes for a second.

A familiar feeling of being on the same page passes between us.

I watch as her eyes smile at me.

“Yes.”

She glances briefly towards Chloe.

“Have a nice day,” she says, like she is a stranger on the street.

We walk to the car. Behind us, Chloe doesn’t follow, but her eyes watch our every move.

She might as well be part of the hedge.

I open the passenger door and step aside, letting Luna get in first. Then, I close the door gently and move around to the other side. I lean in and fasten Amelie into her car seat, checking the straps without thinking.

The engine starts.

I don’t look back as we pull away.

For a while, neither of us speaks. There is just the low hum of the car and the road stretching ahead.

Then Luna’s voice breaks the silence.

“Manon must have had a hard time … when your sister died.”

I glance at her, then back to the road.

“I was five,” I say. “Sophie was ten.”

“She ran after a ball,” I continue. “Onto the road. She loved football. I don’t really remember her.”

I swallow the bitterness that comes with how our lives changed after that.

“My mum …” I exhale slowly. “I guess she coped in her own way. I think she used Chloe to fill that space in her heart. I get it now. If anything had happened to you or Amelie … I wouldn’t have coped, Luna.”

These words I buried in my heart sound strange out loud. All that fear robbed me of sleep.

“I grew up with Chloe always around.” I go back to explaining. “So, her being in the house all the time wasn’t new. It just … was the way it was.”

Silence buzzes between us.

“But everything I said in there to Mum … I meant every word.”

I don’t look at Luna when I say it. I wait for her to shoot me down. Instead, I feel her hand reach for mine. My heart feels like it could burst as I accept this precious gift. We sit like this all the way home.

And for once, the silence isn’t empty. It is full of possibilities.