Page 72 of Insidious

She frowns. “Isaac. You told me this in the hospital. I wish I had known.”

“No.” I shake my head. “Just … listen, for once. I want dad to hear it as well. And Luna…”

For a moment, I think she’ll interrupt anyway.

I drag a hand over the back of my neck as I soldier on.

“We never fell in love. I was never into Chloe … like that. It was uni,” I say. “I told you I was drunk. And I … she ended up in my bed. To this day, I don’t know if we had sex. I won’t call it anything else because I was too drunk to be aware of what went down.”

The words feel blunt and different from the version Chloe told Mum, and I didn’t help by not contradicting her at the time.

“And I thought we both understood it was a mistake and that would be the end of it,” I add quickly. “I didn’t—I don’t see her that way. I never have. And I never will. But there are a few things I didn’t tell you.” I look at my hands, too embarrassed at how I let things get out of control. “She told me she was pregnant.”

Dad shifts slightly. Mum is listening.

“She said she was pregnant. And I believed her.” I let out a breath. “Of course I did. Chloe was my best friend. I never thought she would lie. We got married because I thought we had to. What I also didn’t tell you was it was the worst period of my life.”

Mum leans forward now, confusion clear on her face.

“But … she wasn’t—”

“She wasn’t pregnant,” I say. “She admitted it after we got married. And only because I found her soiled tampons when I was cleaning out the bin. I haven’t touched her since that day I got drunk, though she wanted to. But I stuck with the marriage because I guess I didn’t want to feel like a failure. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

“She slept with someone else but I didn’t know it at that time,” I add. “Not just with the guy I found her with. I didn’t know how we were going to manage with a child coming. I was even thinking of dropping out of college and getting a job. And then she had that job offer from France, and she wanted me to go with her. She almost forced me to drop out.”

My mum stares at me in shock.

“You never told me this,” she says. Her voice is barely a thread.

I shake my head. “No.”

“Why?” she asks. “Isaac, why didn’t you tell me?”

I hold her gaze.

Then I glance at Luna, who is still listening.

“You … thought of her like your child,” I say slowly “You always behaved like she was a replacement for Sophie. And I didn’t want you in that dark place you were in when Sophie died. I guess I didn’t want you to be disappointed. Because you seemed to love Chloe more than me. If it came down to the wire, I wasn’t sure you would take my side over hers.”

The words feel strange, as if I am letting out all of the uncomfortable thoughts I have buried.

But they are true.

“I didn’t want to upset you,” I add. “I guess.”

The admission sits there.

My mum leans back, her hands covering her face.

“Oh, Isaac …”

Regret bleeds into every word.

“I wish I had known,” she whispers.

I believe her.

“I tried to handle it,” I say. “I was relieved when she left for France. It was like a fresh start for me.”