Page 36 of Insidious

“She said she loved me,” I continue. “And I-I felt guilty. She was my friend. I didn’t want to hurt her.” I let out a breath. “But there was never anything there. No … chemistry. I guess I was more worried you would find out.” I swallow. “We got married. I knew how much you liked her. How much you … wanted that. I didn’t want to disappoint you.” My voice trails off.

No one speaks. Amelie shifts slightly in my arms, letting out a small sound. I keep rocking her.

“I felt trapped,” I say with a self-deprecating smile. “But I’d made the decision. I didn’t want to admit I’d been an idiot.”

I look at my mother.

“But I was never interested in her. So, she … picked up some random guy. Brought him home.”

My voice hardens as I remember that day.

“I found them in our bed.”

Mum inhales sharply.

“She thought it would make me jealous,” I say. “Like I’d fight for her or something.” I shrug slightly. “I was just … done. In a way, I was relieved it was finally over.”

My mother is crying quietly now, tears slipping down her face.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she whispers.

I hold her gaze.

“Because you kept saying she was your daughter,” I say. The words come out sharper than I intend, years of holding back pouring into it. “Sometimes, it felt like she mattered more to you than I did.”

She flinches.

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” I add, trying to soften the blow. “I didn’t want to take that away from you.” I pause. “But you should have known better than to bring her that day when Amelie was born.”

My grip tightens slightly around Amelie.

“She had no business being there when Luna had just given birth. You knew it, and so did I. I was the wuss who didn’t tell her to fuck off. But what about you? This was the birth of your first grandchild. It is never going to happen again. And still, you brought her.” My voice feels not my own. I have never spoken to her like this. “You have no boundaries, Mum.”

Who am I kidding? I should have put my foot down.

She looks stricken.

“Who tells an ex that it’s okay to contact me whenever she has a problem?” I ask. “Who does that?”

She doesn’t answer because there isn’t one.

I exhale slowly as some of the anger drains out of me.

“This is on me too,” I say. “I should have stopped it a long time ago.”

I adjust Amelie gently, pressing my lips briefly to her head.

Then I look back at my mother.

“But now,” I say quietly, firmly, “can you please stop?”

***

My phone buzzes. A message from an unknown number pops up.

I almost ignored it.

But as soon as I open it, I know it is Chloe.