Page 173 of Scarred

I promised I would never forget you…that I would always remember you, no matter how much it hurt to do so.

It took me so long to find happiness again, and I feel so fucking guilty that I’m…betraying you.

I should have remembered today.

The last thing I deserve is happiness when you were the one who showed it to me in the first place.

It should have been me that day. Not you.

My shoulders shake as sobs wrack my body. I just want it all to go away.

The pain.

The guilt.

It’s been eating me alive for years, but maybe that’s what I deserve for waking up this morning with a smile on my face.

For fucking laughing… for being fucking happy while Jules will never have the chance to do any of those things again.

She’d told me the best moments were the ones we never saw coming, but I don’t think either of us ever imagined one of the worst would be too.

I stay there for what seems like hours until my throat is raw and my head pounds from the pressure.

Gathering my shoes, I slowly walk back to my car and get in, not even bothering to wipe off the sand from my feet, as I throw my sneakers on the floorboard.

My phone lights up, and I glance at the screen. Several texts from Mae come through, worried about me, and I glance at the time and realize I’ve been here for hours.

I text her back, letting her know I’m fine, and I’m headed home now.

Another text pops up, and this one has my heart tearing painfully in my chest.

I hover over the notification before opening the text that I don’t feel I deserve.

Little Moon

How was practice? I’ve been thinking about you all morning. Everything okay? You never called. I have to teach in a little bit, but I will keep my phone close if you need me. I’ll be over as soon as I’m done.

I suck in a strangled breath and force my thumbs to type.

Me

Just having an off day. I’m exhausted and going to call it an early night. I’ll call you tomorrow.

I hit send, and my stomach drops like a lead weight.

I can’t face her tonight. Not when I don’t know what the hell I’m even doing anymore.

How can I be the guy Luna deserves when I couldn’t even remember the day Jules died?

If I can break the one promise I swore I’d never break…

Then what’s stopping me from breaking Luna’s heart, too?

FIFTY-ONE

LUNA

I stare at the text like I have been for the past fifteen minutes, my bottom lip being worked between my teeth in worry. The studio is quiet, the last class having left for the day, but I can’t seem to move from my place on the floor.