Page 153 of Scarred

She elbows me playfully in the gut as I laugh before nodding my head at Scarlett and Mae putting the board game away.

“So, how bad did my daughter beat you?”

“Bad,” she laughs. “You could have warned me she’s a Candy Land queen.”

“She’s a Blade,” I shrug. “It’s in our blood to be champions.”

“She’s definitely competitive,” she chuckles, watching Scar take the board game back to her playroom.

“Wonder where she gets that from?” Mae snorts, hearing our conversation as she walks over to refill her coffee.

“Not me,” I deadpan, playing innocent.

Both girls give me identical, you’re full of bullshit looks, and I grin.

Smiling and shaking her head, Mae heads in the direction of the playroom. “I’m going to check on Scarlett and then get my shower in before you two have to leave.”

“Speaking of Scarlett,” Luna says, once we are alone. “Her birthday is next weekend.” She steps out of my arms and looks hesitant all of a sudden as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “Have you started making plans?”

“Not really,” I say, scratching the back of my head. “The last two have been…small.”

Small meaning Mae and me. My parents wanted to fly in and make a whole event out of her first birthday, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Not when Jules wasn’t there. I had a lot of guilt back then. It felt wrong and unfair that I was here to pick out her cake and decorations when it should have been her.

The second one wasn’t any better.

We made the day special for Scarlett as much as I could, taking her to the beach and spending a quiet day just the three of us before ending the night with pink cupcakes and presents.

“Why do you ask?” She’s fidgeting with the towel on the counter as she works her bottom lip between her teeth. “And why do you look so nervous?” I chuckle, reaching out and covering her hand with mine as she lets go of the dishcloth.

“I just don’t want to overstep my bounds or upset anybody,” she says softly.

“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that? Tell me what’s on your mind.”

She takes a deep breath before letting it out slowly. “I know how busy you are with everything on your schedule, and Mae already does so much for Scarlett that I thought you might need help planning her birthday party,” she whispers, looking up at me through her lashes.

Something squeezes in my chest, and it takes me a minute to fully understand all the thoughts and emotions that come at me all at once.

“It can still be small,” she says hurriedly, “but I thought it might be nice for Scarlett to meet some kids her age. Her birthday falls on a Sunday, and I’ve been wanting to invite you and Scarlett to our family dinner at my parents’ house anyway, and I thought we could turn it into a birthday party instead,” she rambles on. “They have a pool, and all my nieces and nephews would be there for her to play with…”

She studies me before looking away. I don’t say anything, but not because I’m upset.

Because she makes me feel too much. Makes me hope for things I thought I’d never want again.

“It’s too soon, isn’t it?” She shakes her head and busies herself with taking my empty coffee mug to the sink. “I’m sorry,” she says, quietly, looking out the window. “I shouldn’t have barged into your life like that and just assumed you’d need help planning your daughter’s birthday.” She brushes her cheek with the back of her hand, and that’s when I realize she’s crying.

Seeing her cry sends a deep ache through my chest as I walk up behind her and turn her toward my chest. She buries her face in my t-shirt as my arms come around her.

“I would never want you to think that I’m trying to replace Scarlett’s mother,” she whispers against my shirt.

My heart breaks for the woman in my arms, and no matter how hard I tried to shield her from my scars, they still found a way to mark her.

“I don’t think that.” My throat feels thick, causing my voice to sound hoarse. “Never once would I ever think you would try to do that.” I rub her back and try to find the words for everything I’m feeling. “Scar is lucky to have you in her life. We both are. And if Jules is somehow looking down on us, which I like to believe, then there is no doubt in my mind that she chose you to love her daughter.”

And me.

But I swallow down the words that I’m so desperately afraid to speak or hear. Feeling them is enough for now.

“Do you really believe that? Sometimes, I feel so guilty of how happy I am to have you both in my life…how lucky I am to be here with a family she once had.”