Page 62 of Forced Proximity

Justin: Poor Duckie, though. He loved her so much. Jon Cryer was awesome in that role.

She sends a GIF of a twerking duck smoking a cigar, and I chuckle.

Justin: You have the most on-point gif game of anyone I know.

Doc: Just wait until I start throwing in some Schitt’s Creek. Give me an opportunity to weave ‘fold in the cheese’ into a text, and I can go for hours.

I grin at the message. I want to keep going, but these messages are simultaneously hurting while making me feel good, and I’m not sure how much more I can take.

Justin: night Doc

Doc: night Justin

The next day, as the SUV rolls through traffic toward the studio, I pull out my phone and reread the text exchange between me and Doc. The dopamine hits are almost gone since I’ve reread these twenty times, but I’m able to squeeze out a final drop. When I toss the phone in the console, I look up to Zane’s overly prying eyes peeking up from their screen.

‘You seem more chipper today,’ Zane says.

Maintain a poker face. ‘I chatted with Doc last night.’

‘Oh, yeah?’ Zane raises an eyebrow. ‘How is she?’

‘I don’t know. Fine, I guess? It’s not like we got personal. I just asked her …’ I glance at the new bodyguard in the front seat and lower my voice. ‘I asked her to come back.’

‘Ooh. Really? Baller move.’ Zane shoves their phone in their bag. ‘What’d she say?’

‘She said her decision was final.’ I flick my fingers against the armrest. I really thought Doc was just blowing off steam, and if I asked nicely, she’d come back.

My notifications blink with a new message from my mom, and I glare at the screen. I drag my hand down my face.

Zane knows this look. They pull in their bottom lip. ‘Your mom still hittin’ you up?’

‘Always.’ I rest my head against the seat and watch the LA traffic crawl outside my window. ‘I should probably call her back, huh? It’s been like three months.’

Zane teeters their head. ‘Do you want to talk to her?’

‘Nope,’ I say. ‘Tell me honestly. Am I horrible? Good people don’t do this to their parents, right? It’s not like they ever hit us or anything.’

‘That’s what you’re using as your baseline?’

I loop my thumb under the seatbelt. ‘So many people had it way worse growing up. I never had to worry about money or food or buying basketball shoes. I had everything kids dream of … Xbox in my room, theater in the basement, pool, everything.’

Zane rests their hand on my arm. ‘Someone will always have it worse. That doesn’t take away your reality.’ They lean back into the seat. ‘From everything you’ve told me, your fundamental needs were never met. Sure, you had a ton of stuff. That’s stuff, Justin. Not your basic needs. Your parents did a lot of messed-up shit. I think the only person you felt love from, at least unconditional love, was Mia.’

The air sucks from my lungs. Zane nailed it. Did my parents love me? Maybe. But it was always conditional – pose for pictures, play a role for my dad’s clients, win games. When I refused, they either gave me the silent treatment or took it out on Mia until I relented.

And now, money. Always the money.

I yank out my phone and read the message.

Mom: Honey I am so proud of you! I just read that you’re going to star in a movie with one of the Hemsworth brothers. Sounds like a huge payday for you!

Mom: I need you to call me. I am at a loss with what to do with some of your father’s things.

Mom: If you are not going to respond to me even after everything I have done for you, then maybe your sister will help.

My stomach pinches. Mia may have cut off our mother years ago, but I put nothing past our mom. Mia’s finally in a good place mentally and physically, and the very last thing she needs is our mom triggering a relapse.

I pound my thumbs against the screen.