Page 20 of I Will Always Love You (Maybe)

And again, the guilt consumes me. Did I make her feel unwelcome? Did she not have a good time? Was it because I went and slept in my bed last night? It was just so overwhelming, and I probably didn’t handle it the best. But the very last thing I wanted was for her to feel like she had to leave.

I could help push Josie out of here, maybe even attach my winch to my Jeep to pull her out, but it would be useless. I live completely off the path of the snowplows. Even if they did plow the county street, which is highly doubtful since we are the last to be done, the snow is coming down so fast and furious it wouldn’t be safe. We could shovel until our arms burn off, but the half-mile gravel drive on my property would take us until May to complete.

Josie’s stuck.

Holy shit. I’m stuck with Josie.

She scratches at the back of her neck. “Don’t suppose you have a plow, huh?”

Not one that will get her through this mess, although right now with the wind hitting my face and buckets of snow being dumped from the sky, I don’t want to explain the difference between a Bobcat-style one, and a straight blade one that I can attach to my Jeep. “Sadly, no. Although every year I think I should probably get one, but I never do.” Panic rushes her face with these words, and I offer her the most comforting smile I can manage. “But what I do have is backup emergency food that will keep me alive for a year.”

And based on how heavy the snow is right now, we might go through all of it. I breathe through the shaky nerves, and try not to stare at those lips that are pinked with the air, or think of the way she tasted in my mouth, or think about how mortifying it is that she’s going to come back inside and we will no doubt need to have the most awkward conversation of my entire adult life.

“Hey, I really need to bring Kona out here to use the bathroom, and you look like you’re freezing.” I cringe at the wet streaks on her thin scrubs. “Why don’t we go back inside so you can warm up, I can take Kona out, and then we can have some coffee?”

Although her body is shivering, her face looks like she wants to be anywhere but inside and warming up. We stand silently for way too long, when finally, her throat seems to roll with a heavy swallow. “Sure, thanks.” She turns off the car, grabs a duffel bag from the back, and pats the bag with her palm. “Backup gym clothes.”

“Do you have a backup set of drumsticks, too?” I ask, lifting a brow. “Never know how long we’ll be stuck.”

The corner of her lip twitches into a tiny grin. “Unfortunately, I left those at home. I do however have a pickleball set in my trunk. You know, for emergencies.”

We shuffle back up the hill through the wind and snow, and by the time we reach the house, both of our pants are soaked. I can’t believe I let her stand out there this whole time, while I was in my bed contemplating every bad decision of my life. Would she have come back to the house? Frozen to death? Slept in her car? I shake my head as I grab the leash for Kona and bring her outside as Josie stomps her feet at the door and drops her bag.

When Kona and I return, Josie is still standing in the doorway. Her shoes are off, but her feet and legs are dripping wet. “Josie… Seriously, you’re freezing. Why didn’t you go change?”

“I didn’t want to get your place all wet,” she says with a shrug.

“Seriously? I have a dog and live on my own. You’re good, okay? Please don’t worry about getting my floors wet.” And not that I am going to call this out at all, but it’s not like we didn’t get all sort of stuff on the couch last night. The very last thing I’m worried about is my floorboards. I hang my jacket on the hook behind the door, and release Kona from the leash so she can go to her spot by the couch. “Why don’t you go take a hot shower, okay? I have towels in the closet, a toothbrush and toothpaste in the drawer, and just dig for whatever else you might need.”

She’s avoiding my gaze, most definitely, but making an excuse like she’s inspecting her arms, then her feet, then her bag. “Awesome, thanks.”

When I hear the shower water turn on, I move down the hall into my recording booth. I need to chat with Amelia, to process everything, to get last night off my chest. There are too many conflicting emotions running through my head, a push and a pull that is making me dizzy.

Today, I leave off my headphones so I can hear when the water shuts off, and I hit record. “Hey. Well, some intense shit happened last night, and I don’t even know where to begin. Josie slept over. At first, we talked about her life, and then the conversation moved towards you. I told her so much about you. What you were like, the missing celebrity face recognition chip in your brain, and all about the day you died. And she listened.” I take a deep breath and confirm that the shower water is still running. “We talked for hours, and ugh. It was amazing. She’s really cool. You’d love her. She reminds me a bit of you, actually, but also totally different, if that makes sense. She has that life to her, that spunk, this pink hair that I’d never be cool enough to pull off, but it’s like so effortless for her…” I purge everything I’ve thought about this morning when I woke up, from when I went to bed, to how I’m sick to my stomach that I may have used her, to this unsettling knowingness that I need to have a tough and awkward conversation with Josie soon. Oddly enough, I leave out the fact that Josie and I actually slept together. I’m not ready to share those details with Amelia quite yet.

When the shower water turns off, I end the recording and rest my head against the desk. Like it or not, I’m stuck here with Josie for the foreseeable future, and I need to deal with what I’ve done.

Starting now.

ELEVEN

JOSIE

There are few things in life more rejuvenating than being frozen to the bone and then stepping into a long, hot, glorious shower. I wash away the remnants of last night, the coldness of this morning, and take a moment to think of my next steps.

I dig in my bag for fresh clothes—which entails exactly one black sports bra, my backup underwear, and a pair of yoga-style biker shorts. When I put on the outfit and face the mirror, I shake my head. Well, this certainly doesn’t leave a lot to the imagination. Not that Colby didn’t see me naked last night, or touch me in every place, but it was so rushed and hurried, she didn’t really see all of me.

The fresh coffee aroma fills the house, and I follow the scent to the kitchen. At the counter, Colby has switched into sweatpants and a flannel and is sipping from a mug while staring out the window.

“Hey, any chance you have a second cup,” I say, adding a deflecting tone to my words.

“Of cour—” she starts and then stares at me. Her gaze travels, down my chest, down my naked belly, past my thighs. She quickly flicks her gaze back to the mugs and grabs one off the hook. “Of course. Cream or sugar?”

“No, black is awesome,” I say, feeling both the need to cross my arms and cover myself, and the naughty desire to sit in front of Colby and watch her squirm a little more. Okay, seriously. Something is very, very wrong with me. “You don’t happen to have an extra sweatshirt or something I could wear, do you? All I had in my bag was this for barre class, which is practically clothing optional.”

She chuckles and hands me a mug. “For sure. Let me grab you some things.” A moment later, she returns with sweatpants, a sweatshirt, and socks. As I tug them on, I’m grateful that she wears her clothes loose. We’re not that different in size, but my God, she is muscular and fit, where I’m more soft and curvy. But the clothes feel intimate somehow, like I’m wearing something unfamiliar, foreign. Not bad, just different. They smell like her delicate soft lavender and sage scent, and I resist the urge to bring it to my nose and pull in a deep breath.

“So, do you want the good news first, or the bad?” Colby says as she leans against the counter, mug to her lips.