Page 11 of I Will Always Love You (Maybe)

Colby

I’m really sorry if I made it weird about you and Zoey. I obviously had no idea.

Josie

Do you know what the worst part is about Zoey being my ex?

Colby

What?

Josie

She really is a fantastic baker, and I can’t go there. Obviously. So, I’m stuck eating crusty dusty doughnuts from the gas station, or the subpar overpriced ones at the grocery store.

Colby

I’m not an entrepreneur or anything, but I can sense a good business deal when one presents itself. Give me your order, I’ll buy them for you and only mark them up 50%. And they still won’t be overpriced.

Josie

You drive a hard bargain, but it’s a deal. I’ll meet you in the alley off Main and 4th wearing a green fedora and going by the name of Trixie. Code word: baby goat

Colby

Hmmm. I take it back. Potential prison time and sacrificing my reputation by whispering “baby goats” in an alley is not worth a 50% markup. It just upped to 100%.

I stretch my back, adjust my headphones, and fire up my laptop, ready to start recording my show. But maybe rereading a few more messages can’t hurt…

Josie

how did the girl do last night?

Colby

Pretty good. She was super out of it for a long time but took the pain meds fine.

Josie

and how did Mom do?

Colby

Terrible. How do parents of infants do this? Between the pain meds schedule, and my constant waking up to check and see if she’s breathing, to waking up every time she moves, I am tired as hell.

Josie

Please put this on number 169 of why I never want children. I’m like a pink-haired Hulk if I don’t get enough sleep.

Colby

The Hulk. Like the 300-pound green man? Not sure that analogy sticks, but who am I to judge?

Josie

Hmm. How about I’m like one of those super peppy tradwife influencers, but after the cameras are off, I scream at my family and force them to eat day-old tuna salad with fake mayo and generic mustard.

Colby