Page 76 of Craving Sin

I sure as shit can’t explain the tingle thing to him, so I shrug and say, “I don’t know that either.”

“Not everything has to have a logical explanation to be true,” Conan answers. “But something inside of you told you he was different from the start. I knew when you told me where you were, and it was cemented when I saw you with him.”

“But you still would have killed him?” I ask.

“Yes,” he answers honestly. “Because I don’t know if he deserves you, if we can trust him, and I don’t want you hurt. I know how much it broke you to lose Moira, and I wanted to prevent that before you were in too deep. I know what it feels like to love someone you can never have.”

Because he loves Fia, my sister-in-law. He loved her from the start, just like I had with Moira, but while Fia loves him, she isn’t in love with him. Conan has spent his whole life trying to protect and support a woman—and her children—that he’ll never have in the way he wants her.

“He said he’s in love with me,” I admit.

“Do you think he can handle it? Does he have what it takes to be with you?” We both know how this lifestyle can tear down people who don’t.

“Yes…but I don’t know if I want him to.” I rub a hand over my face. How can I want that for him? How can I pull someone else into this cruel world? “But he’s here now,” I add, which is really the only answer that matters. I brought him home and Abbott came willingly… He’s in danger, and I’ll never let anything happen to him.

“Yes. He’s here now,” Conan replies.

“I need you to look into his father.”

Conan cocks a brow. “The governor?”

“Yes. This must have something to do with him…maybe he’s made some enemies, and they came after Abbott to get to him. They’re not close, and he’s not been a good father, but that doesn’t mean whoever is after Abbott doesn’t think they can hurt the governor that way.”

Conan nods.

“He’s dirty…I just don’t know how bad or what he’s got his hands in. I know from Abbott he has a weakness for young women.”

“Most politicians do.”

“No shit.” I lean back in the chair. And they think we’re the corrupt ones. “I want someone here with him all day. I need to go to Ashford and talk to Cillian.” There is no way to hide this from him now—not with Abbott staying here with me.

Not when I don’t know what we might have to do to protect him.

“I’ll do it. I can figure out a lot of what I need online or by making some calls. If I need to go out, I’ll make sure one of the guys comes over to stay with him.”

I let out a deep breath. “Thanks, C.” Sitting forward again, elbows resting on the desk, head in my hands, I say, “I don’t know how to do this.”

“You and Abbott?”

“Yes, me and Abbott, but also what this might mean for Cillian and me. I’m just getting him back. What happens if this changes things?” Will Cillian understand me being with someone else? He loves his mom so much, and I’ve put him through a lot of pain over the years. What if this just pushes him further away from me?

“He’ll understand. He’s a good kid, Rian, and he’s just like you.”

I meet his gaze. “He’s better than me.”

“They’re all better than us, but that’s beside the point. Cillian gets his loyalty from you. His strength. His sense of right and wrong…and the way he loves, platonically or not. He’s always been there for whatever Tiernan or Aislin need. He’s loved and protected Rory from the moment you brought the boy home. You wanted to take care of that kid, and you put him in the hands of your son, who you knew would be good for him. Both of you are caretakers. And are you forgetting he moved Ollie into their house to protect him, just like you did with that man upstairs? Because he knew Ollie was his, and we both know Abbott is yours. He’ll understand you because he is you.”

I don’t know if I believe him, but my chest swells with pride regardless. There’s no better compliment than that. “Thank you. I hope you’re right.”

We both look toward the door at the same time. Abbott’s footsteps are light on the stairs, but both Conan and I are always listening.

“Rian?” he calls out.

“Coming,” I say before turning to Conan. “Be nice so I don’t have to kill you.”

He laughs—rich and hearty, then teasingly draws a cross over his heart. “I promise.” Conan stands. “I have to admit, it was fun scaring him before. He tried to hide it and didn’t take shit, though. He’s tough. He’ll be good for you.”

“I’m more worried about being good for him,” I reply, as we make our way into the living room and meet a sleepy Abbott there—red hair mussed, shirtless, and wearing a pair of joggers.