Page 85 of Fit for a King

Nicholas didn’t ask for me to get him dressed for the day. He didn’t ask for me to bring him lunch or attend the coronation meeting or bring him tea.

Instead it was Reynolds who was stationed by his side while I brought a tray up for Gabriel’s guest and watched the man I loved pass by without even looking at me.

Actually, no, that wasn’t true. He did look, but only once. His eyes found mine for less than a heartbeat, and I saw everything he was trying not to show.

Pain. Regret. Longing.

Then the king looked away and I could only stand there watching after him, feeling as though my whole world had turned upside down.

What had happened between my leaving his chambers and now? Violet had mentioned speaking with him, but surely the words of a housekeeper wouldn’t have him acting so cold. He’d been less affected after his fiancé had discovered us.

Wait, maybe that was it. Maybe he’d heard from Alejandro. Maybe his betrothed had wanted him to fast-track my removal.

That had to be it. There was no other explanation.

At least, that was what I told myself when I finally clocked off for the night and all but ran to my room. I slammed the door shut and leaned back against it, clutching a hand to my chest. It felt tight, painful, difficult to breathe. I reached for the bow tie around my neck and tugged it free, then balled it in my fist and brought it to my mouth, finally letting out the sob that had wanted to escape all day.

God, I couldn’t do this.

It was one thing to act invisible around Nicholas, to disappear into the walls when others were around, knowing I was on his mind and in his heart. But to be banished from his service, his proximity so coolly—it felt unnecessarily cruel.

I slid down the door and wrapped my arms around my knees, resting my head on top of them. My mind wandered back to my waking up in his bed, seeing his smile first thing in the morning, and the tears came all over again.

How was I supposed to continue? How was I supposed to go through each day knowing Nicholas was so close and yet light-years away?

It was an impossible ask. Wasn’t that what he’d said once?

“I’m supposed to just forget how you respond to my touch, and just put my longing aside? … Impossible.”

Apparently not.

It seemed I was disposable after all.

I MOVED THROUGH the halls of Montclair like a ghost over the next week or so. There, but invisible to the eye. Present, but never called on. Never noticed.

The days and weeks leading up to now felt like distant memories I’d locked in a box, one I’d hidden away, never to be opened again as a dark mood seemed to overtake the palace like an ominous cloud. The king was taking fewer visitors, his mood reverting to that of the cold leader the staff had all assumed he’d be, and I watched the man I’d fallen in love with vanish from a distance.

The pain had been unbearable in the beginning, the ache in my chest like someone had pierced it with a knife. No, not someone—Nicholas. He’d done this to me. And I’d let him.

I’d known from the very beginning how this would end. But somewhere along the way, I’d allowed myself to believe that we could change that—that he would.

But it was clear now that he’d accepted his fate, accepted that Alejandro would be his future, not me, and all I had to do now was forget how much I loved him.

Easy as that, right?

Right.

If only I could stop thinking about the way he felt in my arms, or how his lips moved against mine, or the sound of my name on his tongue.

But they were the memories that followed me to my room at night, the ones that lived in in my head no matter how hard I tried to banish them.

Where did that leave me?

I couldn’t leave. I needed the job. My family relied on me to send home what little money I made. But the idea of staying felt unbearable.

Just as I knew it would if Nicholas was to ever deny me.

But this was the path I’d chosen, the decision I’d made, and now all I could do was live with the consequences of my actions.