Page 36 of Lost & Found

“Okay, so it’s obvious there’s some tension between you two. How Kinsley hasn’t picked up on it by now is surprising. And for that matter, the guys either.” She looked thoughtful.

“Maybe because you’re wrong,” I huffed and shifted my body. Marcus shook his head, and the corners of his mouth curled. “I…there is no…tension. We’re friends is all.”

“You know it’s okay to be curious.”

“Not you too? I get enough of this from Marcel.”

“I meant it’s okay to potentially want to explore sex with someone. Just because of our past—”

“Don’t, please.” I sighed once more, shifting next to her.

“Sorry, but I lived it with you. I’ll speak about it, anyway. Of course, with care, because I love you. While it’s not the be-all, end-all in a relationship, enjoying sex isn’t bad. The level of depravity we saw—”

“And you experienced,” I pointed out.

“Which Marcel would never do in a million years to any woman, let alone the mother of his child. I meant that when it’s with the right person, it can be beautiful and—”

“I’ve got it covered. Losing my virginity is on the list, okay?”

I paused, letting my words sink in. From the look on her face, she wasn’t expecting that. She went to speak, but I beat her to it.

“No, not with Pasha. He isn’t the right person. Trust me on that. He…it would never work,” I stated matter-of-fact.

Thoughts drifted in—him at the club with a woman bound to a wooden cross. Him holding a whip. I shivered, uncertain of what I was experiencing internally. I mentally shifted away from those types of images.

“Who then?” she asked, her face transformed from friend to mother. My chest heaved.

“I’ll figure it out.” I shrugged.

Marcus frowned in the rearview mirror. Perfect. Now he knew and apparently had an opinion. It didn’t matter how our family worked; everyone would know what was on my list. Marcel and I had already talked about it.

He’d given me the option of keeping it private. I would share with my girls, and it wasn’t fair to ask them to keep it back from their men. They would be curious. Better to rip the Band-Aid off. They wanted me to grow up anyway.

“Why not Pasha?” Her question was delivered so quiet that I had to strain to hear her.

“For a thousand and one different reasons. The primary one being Sebastian. He’d kill him.”

“Really? You think so?”

“Yes. While my brother is a man-whore and has taken Pasha on as his new partner in debauchery, especially now that the other guys are no longer free to slut their stuff. He would unfortunately go mental. Ever since our little secret came out, he’s relegated me back to being a little girl.”

I let out a breath and looked out the window. His overprotective instincts were in overdrive when it came to me.

“Believe it or not, he used to encourage me to try to live a little, but not anymore.” I sighed.

“Hmm.”

“Yes, I can see you trying to analyze the shit out of that statement, so let me help you out. On the day I was kidnapped.” I took a deep breath before speaking again, “Bash was supposed to walk me to school.”

Her eyes instantly registered shock and sympathy. I’d come to terms for the most part so it didn’t sting as much.

“He stayed out with Alek the night before and overslept. Guilt has taken on a whole new meaning for him now. He always had layers of it. It was easier to assuage it when he thought I was some lonely woman’s replacement ‘daughter’.”

“Makes sense. I trust that you know him best. Promise me that you’ll be careful.”

“I’m always careful and I’ll state for the last time. We’re friends, nothing more, nothing less. Now are we going to go watch Kinsley fly in the new circus act or what?”

We pulled up to the front of the studio. She sighed and opened the car door. “I really don’t like how you put that last part. What on earth made them want to explore trapeze dance, anyway?”