Page 29 of I Loved You First

She closed her eyes for a long moment before she walked back.

“I’m not blaming you for my fuckup,” he continued. “I destroyed us all by myself.”

She sat back on the swing, facing him again. “We both said things that day. We both ended things.”

“Yeah, but I delivered the kill shot. There was no coming back after what I did.”

She swallowed as she looked down at her lap.

He sighed. “When everything happened… I was trying to pretend that it didn’t matter that you and I were no longer together. A couple of weeks after we broke up, a group of us went up to my parents’ cabin for the weekend. The first night we were there, I was sad and supremely drunk. At some point, Ally showed up with her friends. Mostly, I didn’t care because I ended up going to bed. But somewhere along the way, I woke up, and she was there, naked and under the covers. I stopped it at first. Then I didn’t… The next morning, I told her it was a mistake—that it wouldn’t be happening again. That was the last time I saw her until she came to tell me she was pregnant. Just a few days before you came home.”

Several moments passed while he clenched his jaw, staring at Fiona as she stared out at nothing. As she said nothing.

“Why did it have to be Ally?” she finally whispered.

He shook his head because he’d asked himself the same question so many times.

He and Ally had history. They’d dated off and on for close to a year and a half. Their relationship had been one of extremes: the hottest of hots and the coldest of colds. And he’d grown tired of it. Eventually he broke things off the winter of their sophomore year, wanting something different.

When he and Fi ended up in the same humanities class that next spring, she’d immediately caught his attention. He’d seen her walking in the halls occasionally, but after their first conversation, he’d been a goner.

Ally had always been in your face—the popular varsity cheerleader, part-time model, and constant attention seeker. Fi had been effortless and classy—comfortable in her amazing skin and happy to do her own thing. She’d been busy with her friends, goals, and extracurriculars, never giving him the time of day. He'd fallen for her long before she’d fallen for him.

When he’d finally wormed his way into her space and asked her to make room for him among her dreams and ambitions, they’d created something steady and strong. There’d been so much laughter and fun—so much chemistry and love. Fi had been the very best part of his life for a long damn time, and Ally had never been okay with that.

“I will never regret Brady, but everything else about that night… I’m so damn sorry, Fi.”

She surprised him when she reached for his hand.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, capturing her fingers, holding on as he held her gaze.

“Where is she?”

He sighed, noting that her voice was still quiet, loathing that he’d ever hurt her. “In Florida. In Miami. When she left, she said she wanted to give modeling another try, but I think she’s back doing hair.”

“Does she ever see Brady?”

He shook his head. “She’s called a couple of times to ask how he’s doing, but that’s been the extent of it.”

Her brow furrowed. “Oh.”

“For the most part, the pregnancy was a shit show. Every moment of that year was a disaster.” He clenched his jaw as he shook his head, remembering it all. “I was twenty-one years old, living with my parents and a woman I didn’t love. We were trying our best to get along… Ally was sick nearly every day.”

“That must have been tough.”

He shrugged because he couldn’t blame anyone but himself for the entire situation. “Brady’s delivery wasn’t great. He was two weeks late, so they did a C-section when Ally didn’t dilate past one. Not long after he was born, she started to struggle with postpartum depression. Brady was pretty colicky at night, which wasn’t always easy. When he was right around three months old, I came home from the grocery store to find her standing in the doorway with her bags packed. She handed me Brady and told me she couldn’t do it anymore.”

Fiona squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry.”

“I was relieved,” he confessed. “She didn’t make much of an effort to bond with him. I know trouble bonding can be a result of postpartum depression, but it was more than that. I don’t think she ever wanted to be pregnant.”

Fi’s eyes radiated with a compassion he didn’t deserve.

“I one hundred percent believe Ally came to the cabin that night to cause more problems between you and me and got a hell of a lot more than she bargained for. When she found out we were having a boy, she completely lost interest in being a mother. She didn’t even help pick out his name. Mostly, I took care of Brady. My parents helped a lot, too.”

“That’s really tough, Cam.”

He jerked his shoulders again. “For Brady, yeah. I don’t ever want my son feeling anything but love.”