Page 81 of Love Unlocked

‘What do you think?’

‘It’s beautiful,’ she says, looking up at him. You’re beautiful, she wants to say, but instead she asks Caroline, ‘Do you think you’ll use them all?’

‘I can’t. There are between ten and twenty tonnes of steel in the bags. Right now I’m cleaning them individually and removing the plastic casing from some of them. Some locks I won’t use, the cheap plastic ones certainly not. Not all metals are appropriate for the bridge and being exposed to the elements. I’ll try to incorporate as many as I can.’

‘It’s perfect,’ Al says.

‘The next step is to go to the foundry, where the steel will become molten and poured into this cast, and then we’ll see. I always strive for perfection, at that point, but with this sculpture I think the imperfections in the metal will be important.’

Al nods. Melody can see that her words speak to his freshly mending heart.

Back at the car, Melody throws her arms around him. ‘I knew it!’ she squeals happily. ‘I knew you still had the locks! I kept saying it over and over. You lied all this time?’ She’s not angry, she’s smiling, filled with glee, not just for the sake of her listeners who she promised, but because she read Al correctly. The understanding she has for him has been confirmed. She can read him, feel him, she understands him and the more she leans into it, without fear, the deeper the connection to him feels. It’s not something to be scared of, it’s a joy.

‘I didn’t actually lie. I repeatedly told you that I was instructed by my boss to send them to recycling.’

‘Ohhh, yes you did,’ she says, laughing. ‘But I knew you had them.’

‘How?’

They’re facing each other. She’s on tiptoe because he’s so tall, her arms around his shoulders, his around her waist, their bodies pressed together. ‘Because you’re a mushy gushy emotional feeling man who believes in love, and symbols. You wouldn’t crush them.’

‘I was very angry at the time. I wanted to rip the entire bridge down.’

His eyes darken at the thought. The hurt will never completely disappear. She’s sorry she wished for this at the beginning when she met him. She’s sorry that his attachment to Tara and his disassociation were things she was attracted to. She’s sorry she continually wished for him to be trapped in his pain just so that she could feel safer.

‘And even then, during the worst time of your life, you still didn’t crush them. You did a beautiful thing. You saved everyone’s love.’

‘Now who’s the mushy one,’ he says, with a laugh. He kisses her quickly and lets go, much to her disappointment. He moves to the car. ‘I don’t know about all that. I saved my ass at work is what I did. Come on, let’s go.’

He unlocks the car and sits inside.

Melody feels something is off. He’s withdrawn. She sits into the car, tries to shake it off. She’s not used to caring if someone is not giving their full self. She’s perhaps getting a taste of her own medicine. On the drive home he’s silent and she tries to read him now. There’s something on his mind. When they near her apartment block on Spencer Dock he pulls in and puts the hazard lights on.

‘Is your flatmate home tonight?’

‘Yes. Why, do you want to come in?’ she asks happily but nervously, shimmying up to him.

‘I just want to make sure you’re okay tonight.’

‘You’re allowed inside when she’s there, you know. It’s not a complete ban on men in the apartment. Why don’t you come in and meet her?’

‘No, it’s okay, I need to catch up on some sleep.’

Melody feels the gentle rejection.

She notices Al patting down the pockets of his suit. Top pocket, inside pocket, then pockets of his trousers.

Nerves all of a sudden start to bubble up inside her. Her body heat goes up. She feels like she’s back in the car park restaurant with Sam. What’s he looking for? Is this what has been on his mind? Is he going to propose? She tries to figure out ways to get out of the car. After wanting him to come back to the apartment she suddenly can’t wait to get away from him. She needs to focus on her breathing.

‘What are you looking for?’ she asks nervously.

‘Just something I have for you. A parting gift.’

She recalls Sam feeling around for his engagement ring in his pockets, about to pop the question. How she had to escape that moment, that relationship, the damage it did them both afterwards. This can’t be happening again, surely.

Melody and Al are never short of conversation. They laugh all the time. She loves the feel of his eyes on her, touching his skin. It makes her feel good, he makes her feel good. It wasn’t a day of trying to be his jester and he doesn’t seem like he is going to crack and cry at any moment. He seems content, having worked his way through a hellish few months. His hand serpentines across the car to reach hers. His skin is warm, his hands are large, and strong and safe. He makes her feel safe. He kept her company while she was alone, more than once. She has felt less and less lonely in his company and that terrifies her. But she knows that she must change. She must overcome her fear. She’s afraid she’ll fail him, she’s afraid she’ll hurt him, this precious man with his precious fragile heart that has been through too much.

He is perfect. There’s nothing about him she would change. He has been through hell and she can’t put him through that again. He deserves better and she wants to be the person to give that to him. She’s ready to stop being irrational and she’s ready to start trying.