Page 89 of Witchbane

He winced and held a finger to his lips. ‘Rue, keep your voice down.’

‘It’s not worshipping evil and making bargains with the Devil, you know.’

He tensed, then pushed his face angrily towards mine, our noses almost touching. ‘What is it all about then, Rue? You may as well tell me and get it over with before both of us are discovered here together and I ruin whatever relationship of trust I still have with my father.’

I had no intention of being silenced. I might be a woman, but I had grown up being cared for by two women who had met my every need. Apart from Pierre carrying out his job on the estate and helping where my grandmother and aunt needed him to, no man had been there to look after me, feed me or earn money to keep the roof over our heads. I was tired of men making the laws, creating the rules we all had to abide by.

I clenched my fists by my sides.

‘Whatever you or others who scorn our way of life may think, I and the women in my life spend most of our time making ointments and salves to sell at the market to purchase whatever we need that we cannot grow or make for ourselves. We provide herbal teas to help people suffering from insomnia, aches and other ailments. My aunt goes to help birthing mothers when the midwife in our area is busy, and my grandmother helps sick villagers when asked. I help Jem make cheeses and deliver milk and other dairy products, as well as eggs and vegetables, to those in our village and on the estate who need our support.’

He seemed surprised. ‘I admire your charity, I really do,’ he said earnestly, ‘but I’ve seen for myself all of you preparing to cast spells.’

So he had been lurking somewhere in the bushes. I had sensed him nearby but thought I was being fanciful. I would take more notice of my instincts in future.

He took a breath to continue. I braced myself for what was to come next. ‘Don’t try to deny it, Rue.’

‘I wasn’t going to.’

‘You don’t wish to tell me why they were going to banish my father with a spell? Doesn’t that alarm you?’

I could not think why. ‘It wouldn’t have done anything physical to him,’ I explained. I realised it must have been disturbing for him to hear us mention his father’s name in connection with a spell. ‘Only his memory of my aunt.’

He glared at me. ‘And that doesn’t seem wrong to you?’

I was weary and sank my head to my chest for a moment. Then, raising it, I sighed. ‘We only cast spells to enhance something that requires it.’ I realised that probably didn’t sound as simple as it had in my head. ‘That is, we only work our spells for good. To improve something, or to guard against negativity, or evil. To protect ourselves or those who need our protection. We do not, whatever you may believe, practise our craft to hurt anyone. Only for the greater good.’

I took care not to mention that we also created teas for magickal beliefs as well as for medicinal purposes. Our neighbours might just need help relaxing or sleeping, but they might also hope for luck or for their fortunes to change, or for a difficult relationship to end, or for protection, or to gain some peace in their life. We tried to help with all these things, but only for people we knew and trusted, and we never mentioned magick or spells to the villagers we dealt with, only the powers of the herbs we were using. So they could not run to the Witchfinder with tales of witchcraft from their own experience of us. It was something of a comfort.

He stared at me thoughtfully. I waited for him to speak but he remained silent. Then he took a deep breath. He closed his eyes briefly. ‘You really must go now, Rue,’ he said, taking me by the shoulders and holding me away from him. ‘I can’t say I understand much more about you or your coven, but I promise I’ll do what I can to help you all. However, in order to do that, I need my father to trust me and if I’m gone too long he’s bound to become suspicious.’

I wasn’t ready to leave him.

‘Not yet,’ I whispered, forgetting to keep my thoughts to myself. His eyes lit up and it dawned on me that I was being unfair to him. He had saved me and promised to help my family and I was grateful to him, but if I was honest with myself I couldn’t see a future for us together: a witch and a Witchfinder’s assistant. It was ridiculous even to waste time hoping for something that had no chance of making either of us happy. I trusted that he would do as he had promised, and I wished things could be different, but I couldn’t see how.

I needed to annoy him enough so he would keep away from me, though the way I felt now I wasn’t sure I could do it. At least if Theo felt less for me, both of us stood a small chance of getting on with our lives. As it was, the feelings we had for each other were already causing trouble for those we loved.

‘I’m grateful to you for all you’ve done for me tonight, Theo, and for all you will do for my aunt and grandmother. Truly.’

His expression softened. ‘I am happy to do whatever I can.’

I ached to wrap my arms around him and cling to him but to do so would only drag out this thing we had between us.

‘I’m sorry, Theo,’ I said. ‘But although I have feelings for you, I still find that I can’t completely trust you.’

The delight in his eyes dulled and his mouth set in an angry line. I had hurt him, again. I hated having to do it, especially after all he had sacrificed for us, but believed in my heart of hearts that I had little choice.

Chapter Forty-Five

THEO

Icouldn’t believe what Rue had said. I heard scurrying nearby but would not let it distract me.

‘You mean if I wasn’t the Witchfinder’s son.’ It was the truth. ‘Regardless of everything I’ve done to prove you can trust me?’

I would never trust another woman after what Rue had put me through. If this is how being in love with a woman felt, then I wanted none of it. It wasn’t worth the pain and emotional turmoil I had experienced.

Clouds passed in front of the moon so that the moonlight fell on her face in shards. I was surprised to see that unshed tears glistened in the soft pearl light. Was she only saying these things because she felt it was the right thing to do? Did I dare hope that was the case?