Page 41 of Apparently, I’m Trouble

“Yes, love, I did. And I’m glad you’re seeing him too.”

Though Theo would be less than thrilled.

“I saw him; I just–I didn’t.” She worried her bottom lip between her teeth. “Is it… should I kiss him? Like, for real? If I want to?”

I sucked in a breath and held it. It was my default move when a student asked for my opinion. It gave me a few seconds to think.

“It’s up to the two of you. But we both know how your dad feels about you kissing boys on stage while…” I trailed off, and Kira’s bewildered blue stare melted into a thorough search of my face.

“I’m grieving,” she finished.

I tightened my lips and shrugged.

“It’s okay, Miss Walker. I can talk about it.”

Well, that was a good thing. The counseling sessions must be helping.

“Miles doesn’t have anything to do with how I feel about my mom, though. I don’t know why my dad thinks he does.”

Oh. Oh no, wait. Kira was ready to talk to me about it.

I could feel my brain scrambling. How could I deflect or distract her without coming off like a non-interested wanker? Because I was interested in how she felt, but I wasn’t allowed to be.

And now she was giving me an expectant look, like I might know the answer to her father’s reaction to the tall sweet boy who had an obvious crush on her.

All I could think to say was, “That might be a good question to ask your dad.”

She deflated, disappointed. I thought she might’ve given up until she said, “Dad’s hard to talk to about these things. He thinks I’m–I don’t know… uh, in this really fragile place? Ever since I had that panic attack, he’s been treating me like anything could trigger it again.”

Well, bugger.

I learned a lot about anxiety and panic attacks from Lilly. I knew that whatever triggered Kira wouldn’t necessarily trigger another person. She would have to learn her own coping strategies and figure out a way to live with it.

And I so badly wanted to tell Kira that, just to try and ease the helplessness she must have felt, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t my place.

So I said, “Do you want to speak to the counselor about it?” and let disappointment drag us both down as she shook her head and looked away.

Oh… fuck it all to hell.

“It’s just… I can see your father’s point. Miles is great, but you’re both so young, and losing your mom the way you did–love, it affects everything. Your dad probably thinks you’re looking for comfort. With Miles, I mean.”

She frowned at me. “Is that a bad thing?”

“Not always, but it can be. Grief can make you reckless, and you might make decisions that stay with you for the rest of your life.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Now you sound like my counselor.”

I shrugged. “Then I can’t be wrong, can I?”

I thought of Lilly, of her stubborn people-pleasing, of the way she put everyone above herself. Things might have been different for her if she’d gotten the help she needed back then. I wanted things to be different for Kira.

The bathroom door swung open and shut, and as Miles walked toward us with newly slicked hair, Kira gathered her arms around herself.

“Okay… I’ll think about it.”

Miles stepped onto the stage, and Kira surprised us both when she took his hand and asked him, “Can we talk?”

The two looked at me for permission. I gestured toward the rows of seats below the stage. “Oh, go on then. Five minutes, then we run lines.”