Page 134 of Apparently, I’m Trouble

“Yes, but we got to know each other in the worst possible way. How I feel about him now doesn’t make sense.”

I knew I loved him. I also knew I couldn’t have him. And if I couldn’t, then I didn’t want this pain anymore. I wanted to explain it away, and it was infuriating that I couldn’t.

“You could say the same about Shawn and me.” Lilly lifted a shoulder. “I think it makes sense. You’ve spent months seeing the worst in each other, but you chose each other anyway.”

I let out a “Ha” and said, “It didn’t feel like a choice.”

My desktop dinged, letting me know I had another notification.

Lilly lifted her own cup of takeout coffee to her lips. “Did you get that email from Rutton?”

“Hmm? Oh. Yep. Eleven, in her office.”

“What do you think it’s about?”

I shrugged. “Maybe it’s about the program again?”

“The students think they aced their exams. Maybe that’s what it’s about.”

The heat from my coffee felt incredible on my palms. I stared down at my little cup of consolidation as I said, “Oh, do they? That’s good. We love a bit of acing.”

“But, um, listen. Can you do me a favor and not do what you did the other day?” Lilly asked.

I glanced up at her. What did I do?

Confusion must have shown on my face because Lilly then clarified, “You told Rutton to fire you.”

“Oh.”

She gave me a soft smile. “You don’t have to keep trying to fix things for me.”

“I know, but it’s just–”

“You’re not responsible for me or what happens to me.”

I clamped my jaw shut. Lilly didn’t interrupt me often, so the fact that she did now meant she wanted me to listen.

“If I’m meant to have the job because I’m good at it, then I’ll get it back.”

“You will.”

“Yes. I will. So I need you to stop trying to take the bullet, okay? Whether we get those spots or not, I can handle it.”

Well, would you look at that. My little Lilly, all grown up and taking charge.

I felt myself soften as I looked up at her and nodded. She gave me a warm smile of her own.

It made me feel just that little bit better, until she said, “Good. Because out of the two of us, right now, you’re the one who needs taking care of. See you at eleven,” and left.

I made it to Rutton’s office and opened it to find Lilly already inside, typing furiously on her laptop as she sat in one of the guest chairs.

“Hey,” I greeted before closing the door. “Where’s Rutton?”

“She’s on her way back from the math department.”

“Oh.” I stood behind Lilly’s shoulder and nudged my chin at her open screen. “What’s that?”

“The new unit proposal Rutton asked me for. I think it’s finally ready.”