Page 79 of Unleashed By Eden

“Free stuff from brands, hoping the guys will use it. Maybe get papped wearing it. Post it on socials. You know how it works,” Chris says, picking up his cup.

Kai snorts. “Didn’t have ‘influencer’ on my bingo card when I decided to become a musician.”

Xander drops onto the couch on my other side and snags a croissant. “You go onstage shirtless. Don’t pretend that’s not for the fans and the thirst traps. The internet eats that shit up.”

I lean forward, rubbing a hand over my jaw. “Let’s see what we’ve got.”

There’s the usual crap—designer sunglasses, beard oil, some kind of men’s moisturizer that apparently smells like pine trees.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” I hold up a box. “A cock pump?”

The room goes dead silent. Then everyone loses it.

Theo almost chokes on his croissant. Kai folds over, laughing. Even Chris has to hide a grin behind his cup.

I turn the box slowly, like I’m on a home shopping channel. “Serious question,” I say. “How exactly am I meant to get photographed using this?”

Theo wheezes. “You could reenact your first go with one and film it.”

I groan. “Here we go.”

“Oh, come on,” Kai cuts in. “Has Vi heard this one?”

Violet settles on the armchair, tucking her feet underneath her. She cradles her coffee and looks between us, amused yet wary. “Should I be worried?”

Yes,” I answer flatly.

“No,” Kai says at the same time, grinning. “It’s classic Carter. When he was twenty—”

“Jesus, Kai—”

“—he didn’t hook up with just one girl.”

Theo leans back, smirk wicked. “He hooked up with two girls,” he tells Vi. “And that was before Pulse. Our boy here decides that’s not enough of a flex, so he pulls out a cock pump.”

Violet stares at me, horrified. “Why would you—”

“Exactly,” Theo says, cackling.

Kai is laughing so hard he’s practically in tears. “It got too big; it didn’t fit anywhere! The girls gave up and started going at each other while he sat there and watched.”

I rub my forehead. “Left with the worst case of blue balls in human history and a swollen dick I couldn’t shove into pants for two days.”

They’re howling. Kai literally slides off the chair, and Theo’s whole body is shaking.

Violet laughs, half horrified, half entertained. “How have I not heard this story?” She grabs a pastry from the tray.

“Because I don’t go around telling it,” I mutter.

Kai hauls himself back up from the floor. “Should we tell her how Carter popped his cherry?”

“Absolutely not,” I cut in. “One humiliating trip down memory lane is enough for today.”

My eyes drift back to the box in my hand.

The Titan Inflator.

I read the fine print at the bottom promising to increase penis size permanently. No fucking shit?