Page 20 of A Beautifully Crafted Lie

“But…” My voice sounds small, too small. I hate it.

“Please, just be patient for a little while longer. I have a plan. I’ll come back for you.” He closes his hands on my cheeks. They’re warm but not warm enough to stop the shiver that runs through me. I’m hurt, betrayed, hopeless. And I’m… angry.

“You have every right to be angry. Breathe it in. Make it your strength. Feel its burn in your core and let it spread.”

“I can’t go back.” I grab his wrist. His comfort is unbearable. I don’t want it.

“It won’t be forever.”

“I CAN’T go back,” I grit out, turning away from him. “I locked the damn door behind me.”

“Dammit, Bryndis! You can’t decide things like this without talking to me first!” He paces the room, making far too much noise with those enormous feet of his. Every step he takes spikes my anxiety. Every dull thud elevates my already racing heart. I can’t decide anything without discussing it with you, but you can decide without me!

“I have a plan!” He spins to look at me. There’s certainty written on his brow. If only I can tell him about Mhagdu and my stepmother. If only I can open my mouth and let the words roll off my tongue. Maybe then, I’ll feel better, but I can’t. I can’t face the look of pity I’ll find on his face, the same look I receive from the servant who sends me herbal water. Not him. I can’t. Declan is my escape from my reality. If he knows, the sorrow in his eyes will haunt me forever. I choose his ire above his pity.

“I’ll go on my own, then.” My voice trembles. “You can find me when you’re ready.”

“You are not on your own and never have been.” The wall behind Declan darkens as shadows spread across it in tendrils of pitch.

“You so much as dare, and I’ll ring the damn bell on you myself. It isn’t safe out there, Bryn. I won’t allow it.” His fingers are back in his hair, pulling at the roots as he paces back and forth, making his small room feel even smaller. “Here’s what we’ll do. I’ll start a fire in the stables, making it look like a lantern fell over onto the straw. There’s a mare due to foal any day. I can say that I was checking on her. It’s sure to kick up enough fuss to give you a chance to slip back inside through any door the servants may open when they come to my assistance.” He talks more to himself than to me. “Yes, that will work!”

In his ramblings, I notice that his bedroom walls are bare. The charcoal drawings that littered them before, covering them in portraits and landscapes, are gone. “Where are they?” I almost gasp.

“What?” He pauses long enough to frown at me.

“Your sketches.”

“I’m not a child anymore, Bryn. It only seems fitting that I rid myself of childish things.” He shakes his head. “Don’t change the subject. We need to get going before the sun rises.”

I only nod once. My hopes and dreams turn to dust. “The way you rid yourself of the dream we had of running away, of building a cottage of our own and living our lives in peace.”

“Don’t you dare think it! You are not the reason people leave. You are enough! If the boy doesn’t see it, then so be it.” The creature sounds as annoyed as the man seething in front of me.

I force myself to breathe through my nose, clenching my jaw so tight I fear my teeth may crack.

“You’re being selfish, Bryn. You always do this. It’s not all about you. I finally have the chance to make a life for myself, for us. I finally have something to truly look forward to. We can still build a home together, just not as the poor refugees you’d have us become.” His eyes search mine, and I know he isn’t wrong, but the voice inside of me lets out a menacing growl in response.

“Then why does it feel like you’re betraying me?” My chin quivers, but I stand my ground, squaring my shoulders.

Declan reaches for me, his arms held wide to welcome me into them, but I step away.

“I’m not!” he reassures me.

“Fine.” My response is cold, and it angers him.

He groans, turning to grab his coat from the steel hook next to his door. Declan reaches for me, but I shrug him off. The tension between us grows, and his posture changes. He’s going to leave me and never come back. I tilt my chin to look up at him practically fuming beside me. If our time together has an end date, do I really want to spend it like this? Fighting? A moment stretches into two until it becomes unbearable.

“Hey,” I whisper sweetly, despite the warring of emotions inside me. “I’m sorry. I should have checked with you first.”

“The way he checked his change of plans with you? Tell me, did he ask you if you were alright with this new plan, or did he merely tell you that you have no other choice but to be?”

“Shut up!” I long for the little vial in my satchel, wanting the creature to be quiet and leave me be, but also… not. Even with its unnerving presence, it keeps me from feeling utterly alone.

“Do what you want. Silence me if you must, but know this… You will find many enemies in this realm and the next, but I am not one of them.” Its presence retreats to the back of my mind, to the darkest depths where I can’t find it, yet I know it’s still there.

“Let’s just fix this.” Declan sighs in defeat, referring to both the situation and the tension between us. I slide my hand into his, the way I have so many times before, and give him a gentle reassuring squeeze, even as my chest closes in on itself.

“You’re important to me,” I tell him, blinking away tears before they flood my vision. “I’ll endure.”