Page 53 of The Marriage Rebound

Her actions had me scared. I’d tossed and turned all night with worries that she was gone and not contacting me because she was contemplating leaving me for good. I carried Vuitton upstairs to my bedroom. My too-empty bedroom.

Vuitton jumped out of my arms and onto the bed, turning a few times before he got comfortable. I rubbed his soft fur, finding peace in his unbotheredness. If only I didn’t have a care in the world. Sadly, I had too many.

It was eating me up that I didn’t know where she was. I wanted to call her, or text . . . something. But wouldn’t. Courtney clearly needed space and as much as it pained me, I had to let her have it. I was doing all I could to ignore the black hole in my stomach that was slowly growing at the thought of how this time felt different from when she’d gone to Tina’s. It was truly a case of “be careful what you wish for.” All this time I’d wanted Courtney home, to be around more, yet there was more distance between us now than there ever was when she was traveling.

Blowing out a slow breath, my gaze drifted over to the closet before my feet carried me there. I looked around, taking in everything and realizing that ninety percent of it belonged to me. Courtney had a small section, but most of her clothes had ended up in the guest room. She didn’t mind, or maybe I just told myself she didn’t. Courtney hadn’t fought me on it, not really; she’d made a joking comment about being kicked out, but that had been it. However, now looking at it, was this a visual representation of us? Of me? Of what I kept expecting her to give?

My hands gravitated toward the new dresses I’d purchased when she’d been in Arizona, the tags still on them. I didn’t even know where I’d wear them to. But that hadn’t stopped me from buying coordinating shoes, because I couldn’t buy just the dresses. It didn’t matter that I most likely had shoes in my closet that would have worked. Being petty had been the goal with that particular shopping spree. I had been determined to spend the equivalent of the plane ticket on new things to make me feel better about being left behind.

I didn’t think I had a shopping problem. Buying pretty things made me feel good. And it was how my parents always tried to soothe my disappointment at their absence. It was what I knew.

Yet, as I looked around . . . I had things, a lot of pretty, shiny, expensive things, but I was alone.

Still alone. Things didn’t replace connection.

I plopped down onto the bench and let out a shaky sigh. Denise may have been rude, but maybe she was also right. Had I made being with Courtney my whole identity? Could that be my problem like Courtney said? That I needed to figure something out, to do something with myself?

My parents had said the same thing. That I spent too much time aimless. I’d floated from major to major when I was in college. Nothing ever quite felt right. College was supposed to be the time you found yourself, but my parents had thought I was taking too long. They’d been tired of throwing money at my tuition, until they finally said no more, that I needed to settle on something and get myself together to graduate. When I didn’t, they gave up on me and cut me off.

Then I found the only thing I enjoyed doing, which was dancing. And I had taken that up out of spite.

But now what did I have?

Vuitton barked then took off out of the room. I called after him as he continued making noise, stopping short when I got to the bottom of the stairs and saw my wife. My dog excitedly jumped around at her ankles, begging for attention. I guess he’d missed her just as much as I had.

She was a sight. A mix of relief and nervousness coiled through me. My heart rate kicked up and I had to stop myself from running and jumping into her arms. She was back, and for that I was grateful.

Courtney bent to pick up Vuitton, holding him in front of her face. “Why you being so loud? You don’t even like me.” Even as she said the words, she shifted him so that he lay in her arms like a baby and gave him belly rubs.

I swallowed hard when she licked her lips and lifted her gaze to mine. Her expression was unreadable. I shifted my attention back to the spoiled animal in her arms soaking up all the loving she was giving him.

“Clearly, he does like you.”

“It’s his guilty conscience.”

Slowly, I walked deeper into the kitchen, keeping my eyes on her, stopping at one of the barstools. “I don’t think it works that way for animals.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

My stomach was in a constant free fall. I chewed the inside of my cheek, trying to gauge her mood. She didn’t seem pissed, but Courtney hardly ever showed those emotions unless she was really pushed. Like at Thanksgiving. And I tried not to read too much into the fact that the only person she’d given affection to so far was Vuitton. No hugs, kisses, ass grabs, or I missed you, baby for me.

I was still expecting her to make the first move.

I blew out a shaky breath. “Um . . . how was your trip?”

Court set Vuitton down, and he did a body shake before running off to jump onto the sofa. She strolled toward me, stopping at the end of the island. Not a huge space between us, but big enough. “Long. Boring. But good. And needed.”

I pressed my lips together and forced down the wave of unease that rolled through me. “That’s, um, good. I’m glad. You hungry?” I headed to the fridge without waiting for her to answer. “Go take a shower. I know how you like to shower after travelin’. I’ll whip us up a nice lunch.”

“I’m good. I actually got back yesterday.”

I stopped gathering ingredients and turned to face her, setting spinach, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, and onions on the counter. Surely, I heard her wrong. “Yesterday?”

She slid onto the barstool and folded her arms on the granite. “Yeah.”

My feelings of worry and uncertainty were morphing into anger. She was back, but didn’t . . . I placed my palms on the cool surface in hopes that it would help calm me. “And you didn’t come home because?” She wanted to make me sweat. She was visiting a divorce lawyer.

“Because I needed more time to think.”