Page 106 of Scoring Chance

“He told me that maybe you weren’t doing as fine as you present. But I should’ve seen that. I’m so sorry that I didn’t see that.”

“I’m okay, Dad.”

“You don’t have to be okay, though. If you’re scared or upset or angry or lost or confused, you can come to me. Please don’t feel like you have to put on a brave face. I want to help you. I want to hear about what’s going on in your life, even though I know as a teenager, you won’t tell me. But know that you can.”

“You just assume everything is fine with me. You never ask.”

“I’m so sorry. I’ll do better.” The sad part is that even if I do better, I won’t forget this moment. I won’t forget how I let my little girl down, how I wasn’t there for her like I should’ve been. And she’ll tell me that it’s fine, that I did the best I could, but still, I won’t forget.

She nods, her lips slightly pouted. Sometimes, I miss when kids were younger. Small people, small problems. But having emotionally complex kids means we get to have these interesting, deep conversations.

“There are so many things I’d do differently. Number one: tell your mom to see a doctor ASAP. But we only go forward.” I tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. “I want to go out to dinner with you this week. Just us two. Anywhere you want to go.”

“Really? Okay, that’s cool.” Under her jaded response, it’s not hard to spot her excitement.

“Cool, cool.” I try to be chill, but that’s not my strong suit. “And just because Uncle Des and I are married, it doesn’t mean your mom is forgotten. I will love her forever. I see so much of her in you, Lena. You’re kind like her. And thoughtful. And you do this thing where you itch your ear just like she did. It’s uncanny.”

She laughs, tears falling down her face.

“She would be so proud of you.”

“No, she wouldn’t. I met up with shady guys in abandoned parking lots.”

I clench slightly. Grateful she’s safe, but residual panic about how that could’ve wound up. Thank goodness Des waited to tell me all of this.

“Your mom told me about this boyfriend she had in high school who smoked clove cigarettes and brought a flask to class.”

“Are you serious?”

“Your grandparents hated him. She said she was bored with him after a month, but she kept dating him just to piss off grandma and grandpa.”

Lena erupts in laughter. It’s been too long since I heard her laugh this hard.

“She would’ve loved Matthias,” Lena says.

“Nah. She would’ve seen that he’s too boring for you.” I sigh, and silently pour one out for Matthias. He gave me some good gardening tips.

“You’re a great dad.” Lena wraps her arms around my neck. “I love you.”

I breath in her scent. “I love you, too.”

After I leave her bedroom, I stand in the hallway reliving our exchange. Was this a successful parenting moment? Was I wrong to apologize? Should I have reprimanded her for lying to me and hanging out with unsavory characters where she could’ve gotten herself in real trouble? Is it so terrible that as the oldest, she helps out more?

I’ll never know. Again, no answer key in parenting.

You just love your kids and hope that’s a strong enough guide.

31

TANNER

“Iknew that Third Eye Blind CD was a lucky charm,” Hank says in the locker room before our next game. “You guys…just beautiful.”

Usually celebration happens after a game when we win, but my teammates are in a celebratory mood already. Des and I told them the good news. We’re in love.

Have you ever seen big hockey players get schmoopy? It’s a very weird sight.

“If you guys decide to have a proper wedding, the Stone’s Throw Tavern is always open to you,” Mitch says.