Page 137 of Bound in Ashes

I barely noticed.

Something, I wasn’t sure what, made me turn off the water.

My palm stung when I touched the cold metal, but I welcomed the ache.

I undressed, took a hoe bath, my lips turning up in a smile when I remembered Aunt Kathleen telling me the name of an activity that I had long engaged in.

I’d been so tough then.

Had known it all.

A summer with Uncle Levi and Aunt Kathleen proved that I knew nothing.

And now…after so many years, a lifetime, the end of the fucking world, I knew even less.

The flashlight was on the dimmest setting, but I risked turning it up, deciding I deserved a little indulging.

I moved around the small bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. My leg hit something, and I heard a thud.

Looked down and saw a cardboard corner peeking from the corner of my bed.

A box.

I picked it up, my eyes watering when I processed what it was.

Bran flakes with raisins.

Something he set aside for me.

Just for me.

I was numb, feeling like I was outside of myself as I ripped open the box.

The smell, plastic and stale cereal, turned my stomach.

But it didn’t stop me from grabbing a handful, shoving them into my mouth.

Then another.

Then another.

I chewed mechanically, swallowed robotically, not really tasting anything.

Probably for the best.

But then my mouth was dry, bran flakes stuck to my cheeks.

I coughed, then quickly lifted my arm to cover my face.

As I swiped my mouth, the first tear fell.

I fought to keep it in, but one escaped, and there was no holding back the others.

Suddenly enraged, I flung the box, listening as the flakes scattered across the hardwood floor.

Then I slumped down, my back pressed against the bed, the hard, unforgiving wood floor pressing into my tailbone.

I wanted to scream, but didn’t even have the capacity.